Sacramento State: Lessons of Total Domination

Idaho State-74 Sacramento State-39

Nature has poignant and elegant ways of depicting the end of the cycle of life. This...was most definitely not one of those moments.

The men's team had only one thing on their minds tonight: revenge. This is a dish best served cold, however it's also palatable if it comes in the form of a 34-14 halftime lead. Idaho State went rolling from the get-go, and held the Hornets without a field goal...for the first 14 minutes. The only points Sac State scored were free throws that this blog author generously granted them. Other than that, it was just an incredible show of domination. By the end of the night, Idaho State attained a few awesome things. First, all 11 Bengals scored (Tom Taylor added a lay-up with about 6 seconds left. Good job, Tom!). Second, Idaho State has clinched 4th place in the Big Sky Conference, meaning we get a home tournament game next Saturday night (it still hasn't been decided who we will play (it WILL be the winner of the MSU-Care Bears game). Finally, Idaho State has entered the record books: the 39 points Sac State scored is the lowest point total that Idaho State has allowed in its basketball history since the inception of the shot clock in 1954. 1954...hmmm, that's back when the majority of ISU fans were conducting under-the-table atomic bomb drills. Certainly, Sac State should have ducked and covered their necks from the immense heat of all the 3 pointers that were radiating from the basket (and it's amazing the rims never melted or disintegrated).

And now, to hand out some kudos for the game:

Kudos to the coaching staff for getting an incredible game plan put together. And more importantly, major kudos to the staff for getting the team ready to play and not overlook this team (like the last time, but we'll keep quiet about that. That's in the rearview mirror of the last car on the road, so it doesn't even matter).

Kudos to the entire team. Dunks, 3 pointers, fantastic defense (who let Angela Munger coach this team for a day?!) and a "kick ass, take names" mentality. Sac State didn't have a chance in this game when ISU stepped out onto the court.

Kudos to Sparky, Coach O'Brien's pet Tylosaurus. He did a fantastic job in intimidating the other team from doing anything that would have given them any life in the game (as evidenced when one absent-minded Sac State trainer tried to whack Sparky in the nose to shoo him away from behind the Sac State bench. Whether this ill-advised action was motivated by testosterone or absolute stupidity, we will never know. What we do know know is that Sparky didn't take that too kindly and well...yeah, the trainer is currently having a fun time exploring Sparky's digestive system).

Finally, kudos to Coach Brian Katz, who proudly displayed his plays on giant white cards with bold, black words on them. This was a great service and we are grateful that Coach Katz gave away his game plan on these signs. In fact, T-shirts displaying his signs (white cotton with black lettering) will be on sale soon (and in addition to commemorating his awesome deed, the T-shirts will also be on sale for the low price of 5 dollars).


Brian Katz: Deactivated

Mike Adras/Brian Katz gallery

Well, a lot of people told me they liked the Ken Bone Gallery. So, I've decided to do the Mike Adras/Brian Katz Gallery, of NAU and Sacramento State, respectively. And now, with real quotes...

Mike Adras, Northern Arizona

"Get yer hands in the ay-re...and Jack like you don't caay-ree..."

"I'm a T-Rex! RAAWRRR!"

"Out! OUT DAMNED VOICES!"

"Number 1...and don't you--wait, we are number 1, right?"

"Ayyyyy....do you know who you tawkin' to? Eh?"

"Oh come on, quit being all melodramatic and play dammit"

"Hey man...it's been good...you realize you're sweating and crying on my 3,000 dollar suit, right?"

"The voices are returning...need more Prozaaaaaa......."*blacks out*

"Hey, you guys ever hear about the Bengal who....aww, forget it. We're sucking so bad I can't even tell bad Idaho jokes..."

Brian Katz, Sacramento State

*Siiiighhh...."Guys, you're killing me here. Come on, I'm getting migraines just watching you."

"The play is self-explanatory, guys. Come on, the Big Sky can't suck THAT bad!?"

"HEY! You get your sorry ass back here and clean up my Coke you spilled you bastard!"

"Uhhh...this is...awkward..."

"Now, I recruited you to handle the rock. Are you doing that?" Player:"No coach, I will next time." Katz: "Yeah. 'Next time' will be at a JUCO school. Come on, get with the program already! This is Sac State, it isn't hard to play for us. Hell, with you it isn't hard to play AGAINST us!"

"One more statement like that and I'll make sure you'll be back at wherever the hell I recruited you from"

"Well, we're coming together as a team...and we're bonding...and...uhhh...wow...say, would you like to come to my office for some off-the record uhh...statements?"

"Oh come OOONNN...just because the reporter was YOUR wife...how the hell was I supposed to know?!"

"God, what is with you guys? You can't play D-1, you have bad attitudes...and...and...hey, WHAT the hell is tattooed on your arm?!"

I hope I don't get sued or reprimanded. Lolz

Joe O'Brien has a pet Tylosaurus and game previews

This ain't no goldfish, bitches. Meet Sparky, the Coach's pet Tylosaurus (he's in the middle)

Coach O'Brien and company look to beat NAU and Sac State to finish the regular season 9-7 with a potential first-round home game like last year. Idaho State needs to do several things to pull this week off and get a good send-off to the tournament:

1.) Play with heart. ISU needs to get passionate and downright crazy to finish strong. Forget the fact that this is Sac State (who actually ended their embarrassing losing streak by beating a very relaxed Bengal squad who came in a little overconfident after burying NAU with a 20-1 run to win in Flagstaff) and NAU, ISU needs to come out with the good kind of swagger and play to *brace yourselves, ye sensitive defenders of image-obsessed sportsmanship* run up the score. If we get these guys down by 20 at the half, win by 40. No mercy. No prisoners. Be the Visigoths to the sleepy Roman villages and towns of NAU/Sac State. If things look bleak, just keep fighting on. We kept fighting NAU and lo and behold, we got to execute the Run of Doom that got us a great win in Flagstaff.

2.) Simply put, don't do anything stupid. Don't put up shots that only Jesus could make. Take your time, set up the play and pick NAU apart.

3.) Get physical. Busma and Steijn MUST beat the hell out of people and like it. They need to become enforcers who will defend the post and become a legit threat offensively.

4.) It's very important that everybody shows up to play. We cannot rely on just Amorrow or Stucki to win. Donnie has to keep playing like he has (i.e. he must not only dunk the ball, he must also cure several diseases and get to the moon and back while doing it) and AK will need to light it up from the outside. Chron and Sherrod are out for the week, so everyone needs to step up.

5.) Oh, and it's also important that ISU utilizes the crowd and Sparky, Coach O'Brien's pet Tylosaurus. How coach got a hold of him is a mystery, but it's cool nonetheless. Sparky will need to be a factor tomorrow night. A factor as in "Oh shit, Mike Adras is going to be eaten alive if he doesn't get off of Coach O'Brien's case" kind of factor.

Mon-Tainya Week

The Idaho State Women host the Mon-tainya teams this week, which always make for a lot of fun. If you remember last year, under That Vandal Guy (henceforth abbreviated as TVG), ISU blew an unsuspecting Montana Grizzly team out of the water, 90-77. The game was a showcase of TVG's touted Run-And-Shoot-With-A-12-Gauge-Shotgun Offense, which saw Andrea Lightfoot nailing every 3 in sight. Such will not be seen this weekend, with Sobo, Munger, Holly-kins and Green running the team. No, we will see gritty defense, brute physical play and some great emotions (as in the "YOU CAN'T BE F**KING SERIOUS!!!!" variety). Sadly, this blog author will only see the Thursday night game (and not the ill-timed Saturday afternoon game...by the way, basketball games played when it's still light out don't have that awesome feel that night games do. Come on, what's keeping us from playing night games for the women? It's not like Pocatello is a party town...) as I will be in Ogden to play Weber State in a critical rugby match that determines our playoff standing next fall (we hope).

To complete the home sweep against Mon-tainya, there are a few things that, IMO, must be taken care of:

Free throws: We have lost several games because we couldn't hit our free throws. Just hit those boring, old, fundamental shots and we'll be in great shape to win.

Physical play is a must in this game as well; expect the Griz and the Bobcats to come out pushing and shoving and clawing and whatnot. There is only way to deal with this, and it's not being respectful. We have to respond in kind, let them know we aren't going to tolerate that sort of crap at all.

Now that I mention it, physical play will also be crucial here: NO EASY LAYUPS! I'm not asking to hurt anyone or play dirty. I am BEGGING for some coverage on the posts. Teams have beaten us up all year down there with easy, gliding layups and/or those unbearably annoying end-around kinds. There's really nothing to using your imaginary Hit Stick and giving the other player a good knock. This blog author does it all the time in basketball class (I don't even call fouls, much to my classmates' chagrin). It's not classless and not unsportsmanlike. It's simply making the other team having to earn their points at the line.

Defense is also crucial to winning. We have had no problems in making a statement on defense; we've been doing very well here since TVG left for Moscow State University (TVG never had any love for playing defense, as the run-and-shoot offense prefers to simply outscore other teams).

Rebounding is crucial as well. Rebounding is the unheralded vital component to the motion offense, which in Sobo's world is meant to slow the game down and care for each possession. Rebounding prevents the other team from setting up their offense, obviously keeping the ball in our hands and taking time off the clock (which in turn throws the other team out of whack). And rebounding must be a TEAM effort; if you have a shot at the rebound, go for it! (See: Jenna Brown in all games she's played in. She'll go for the ball without second thought, which is really fun to watch...SIC 'EM JENNA!)

Lastly but probably the most important for the women to get that awesome home sweep is...

Assassination. It's a proven method that has worked time and time again for coaches from Pat Summit to Oda Nobunaga way back in the Sengoku Era of Feudal Japan. Idaho State has some great assassins on the roster, each perfectly capable of engineering death silently and quickly. Andi Blodgett, Andrea Videbeck and Jenna Brown are the perfect assassins because they are quick and really little, thus ideal for carrying out these unsavory (but necessary) missions.

Assassinations will be critical for the home sweep

Montana is coached by Robin Selvig (pictured below). His successes in the Big Sky are phenomenal, turning the Grizzlies into an annual contender for the Big Sky Crown and if not an NCAA appearance, then surely the WNIT. He is The Empire, overpowering all in his path and establishing total hegemony from Missoula to Flagstaff and westward to Sacramento. Only Portland (Sherri Murrell's incredibly successful insurrection remains a major thorn in the side of the Empire) and Greeley (even Darth Selvig doesn't want that backwater). Of course, Pocatello remains a thorn but Montana has more or less owned us (we have a horrible, and I mean horrible record against the Griz in women's basketball...7-52 I think...Frank can correct me). Montana also owns Montana State in everything, but that's not much of a surprise to anyone (they'd own them in soccer too but MSU, looking to avoid further embarrassment, has held off the establishment of a soccer team thus far). Idaho State is more than capable of giving Montana a good fight and of course, I think the MSU game was a fluke; we were unnerved by Chelsea Pickering's injury and I don't think we settled in that game very well. We weren't playing our best ball against Montana; there is so much the Griz haven't seen yet (at least, I think so). In order for ISU to beat Montana, two things must be done, both of which are not easy: cover Mandy Morales and harass Sonya Rogers. Get on both of them like angry, agitated ocelots and do NOT allow Montana anything in the post. Force them outside and keep them there. With a team like Montana, this probably isn't wise but it's a better risk than letting them have their way inside, where they usually dominate teams. Physical play and smart ball play will slow down and beat Montana. (Keep in mind that this is my opinion only; Sobo and Co have a better idea of what's going on and I have faith in them and their crazy, Manhattan Project-sized game plans).

"The ability to destroy the Big Sky is insignificant next to the power of the Force"

Montana State is coached by Tricia Binford, who has done a commendable job in turning the Bobcats around from one of the most laughable (and we're talking LMAO quality here) programs into a program that ranks as one of the conference's most solid. Her turnaround of the Bobcats ranked the 11th best turnaround in the nation last season and it shows no signs of slowing down. Of course, this is the same team that ISU beat last year twice in the regular season, only to lose by 10 (after one of the worst 1st halves in human history...I was always skeptical of the run-and-shoot style, but that offense really did us in that game) in the semis of the Big Sky Tournament. Montana State has some good players on their team, with 6 upperclassmen and some underclassmen that show promise. ISU will need to keep tabs on Erica Perry, she essentially runs the Bobcat offense and she if she heats up on either side of the ball, we can look for a guaranteed hard time.

Montana Week is guaranteed to be a lot of fun and it should be a great time for everyone. Hopefully ISU can get good crowds on Thursday night (I'd beg for Saturday but I'm realistic about it. ISU students are sissies when it comes to the weekends and go home every Friday afternoon instead of putting forth any effort to make campus you know, enjoyable over the weekend. Also, the Saturday afternoon games' attendance is 75% comprised of people who can remember live broadcasts of President Roosevelt's fireside chats. Not that I'm knocking on them or anything; I was merely pointing that out).

Finally...

OH LOOK! AN OCELOT! AAAWWAAHHH!!!

The Great Swanson Caper

It is a late night at the Bengal Basketball Offices. Men's basketball coach Steve Swanson is working on game film and preparing the game plan for the Montana trip. Everyone has gone home for the night. Coach Joe O'Brien is asleep on a cot he brought to his office. A radio is playing The Animals "House of the Rising Sun" in the background...

*Film is rolling*

Steve: Man that was some great stuff last week. The team is playing fantastic right now! *chuckles* Poor Montana, they're not going to realize what hit them.

*A phone rings*

Steve: ISU Basketball, Steve Swanson speaking...

Mysterious man: Steve, Idaho State can't possibly beat Montana on the road and get a sweep. You know that.

Steve: Who is this?!

Mysterious man: My identity is of no concern to you. I'm telling you that beating Montana on the road is impossible and cannot be done. Forget it Steve!

Steve: *snickers* So are you telling me to stay home?

Mysterious man: Yes, there are bigger fish to fry anyway. You're needed elsewhere.

Steve: Waaaaaitt a second...I knew it! John Porter Goss, what the hell? I thought we had a deal!

Goss: Steve, the CIA has fallen on hard times. We need your expertise. None of our agents, save for the Delta Force and some unnamed independent fellas, are capable as we had hoped. Remember the Uzbekistan raid and that crazy ass job you did in Athens 2004? The work you did in Tbilisi? You were the best, Steve. You were the greatest counterterrorist agent we had in decades.

Steve: Look Goss, I know that I did incredible things back in the day. Come on, I could make improvised C4 explosives out of Power Ranger dolls that could take out skyscrapers. But living a double life as a basketball coach and a counterterror agent was hard. Having all those terrorist wackos after me 24/7 burned me out. And I'm a married man now. I thought our deal was that you'd never bother me after I left the CIA.

Goss: That was then, this is now. Terrorists are on the move all over the world and Delta Force can't keep them in check by themselves. Look, I'll offer you anything you want, Steve. I'll even throw in a new mansion in the Caribbean after your other house got sold off.

Steve: Sold off? Uhhhh...it was firebombed by the Jamaat al Muslimeem. You don't remember?

Goss: OK, OK, you got me there. Tell you what. You do this job for me, I'll never bother you again. Hell, I'll even tell my successor to not bother you if that's what you want. Think about it... you could, for 1 week, relive your glory days running around blowing stuff up and making your code name feared once again throughout the terrorist world.

Steve: My code name is ironic because I wasn't born in Scotland...

Goss: True, but you can't tell me that "The Killer Scot" is an awesome codename?

Steve: *sigh*...OK, let's hear the details. What do you have in mind?

Goss: Well, it actually involves you staying close to home.

Steve: Really?

Goss: Yeah, this mission takes you to 2491 Washington BLVD, Suite 201, Ogden, Utah

Steve: My God!!!! THE BIG SKY HEADQUARTERS!!!

*Loud pounding on the wall*

Joe O'Brien: STEVE GODDAMMIT I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!!!!!

Steve: Ooops! Sorry Joe! *lowers voice* Wow, that's unexpected...so what am I doing?

Goss: We've confirmed that Doug Fullerton is the head of an international organization dedicated to bringing the world under his heel through terrorism, buying of politicians and bad officiating.

Steve: Kinda like COBRA of G.I. Joe?

Goss: Actually, now that you mention it, yes! One of our spies returned with a photo of Mr. Fullerton. Check your email, I just sent it.

*Steve logs on to his computer and checks his email, and this photo comes up*



Steve: Wow, Doug sure has some weird fashion designs for an aspiring dictator

Goss: I know, we couldn't stop laughing. So what do you say?

Steve: Well, what do you need me to do? I can't assassinate him, he's a conference commissioner.

Goss: I know, that's the bad part about it. *Sigh*...Wait, I got it!

Steve: Let's hear it!

Goss: OK, so how bout' just knocking him out and replacing him with a double? Not only would we be ridding the world of an aspiring dictator but you'd be gaining a better commissioner in the process! Two birds with one stone!

Steve: Well...I dunno. You'd think people would notice that Doug is acting a little strangely with the reversal of the "No-Criticizing Officials" Rule in such a short time.

Goss: Hmmm, you've got a point...Maybe we could just get in there, kidnap him and force him to resign? Make him issue a press release stating that he's tired and that he's going to retire.

Steve: Well, he is getting a bit old...alright, I need to get some exercise anyways.

Goss: OK, great! I'll send you another email giving you the details of this mission! America and inadvertently, the Big Sky thanks you for your bravery!

Steve: Alright, I will be in touch. "Killer Scot" over and out.

Steve: Well, I better wake Joe...can't go this alone.

O'Brien *standing in the doorway*: I heard everything. I've been meaning to do this for a long time. *Grins* "BlackHawk" is back in action!

Steve: This is going to be a LOT of fun, heh heh! Ol' Doug is going to be very surprised to see us! Hey, wait a second...

O'Brien: What is it?

Steve: Shouldn't we issue a press release that we're going to be out of the games this week due to personal issues?

O'Brien: Nah, we'll be back on Wednesday morning before the bus arrives. Piece of cake my man!

Steve: Alright then! Let's go!

Steve "The Killer Scot" Swanson and Joe "Black Hawk" O'Brien turn off the lights, lock the doors and leave the office, and head down to Ogden, Utah, for a confrontation that will save the world (and the Big Sky Conference as well).

Goings on for Valentine's Weekend

Well! This was certainly a fun weekend to be a Bengal! The men's team got a home sweep and improved their position in the Big Sky Conference to a 4th place tie with Northern Colorado and a 6-6 Conference record. God willing, if we win out we'll be 10-6 with a very possible home tournament game. The women also did very well, winning at Eastern Washington after dropping another heartbreaker to Portland State (more on that in the next post). Kudos to the softball team for shocking the hell out of Kent State, who went 46-12 last year and has won 3 straight MAC Championships as well as 3 straight NCAA Tournament appearances. The final was 6-4 and left Kent State staring vacantly out in space; clearly the "WTF?!" expression was on their faces. That sums up the weekend and now, to the men's victories that are being covered in this post (don't worry, the others will get some atten-shee-uun)


Hundreds of Vikings are strewn about after a battle that turned into a rout, courtesy of the Bengalians and the Phil Meador Ford Dealership

In an incredible game that saw the Viking's take a 10 point halftime lead, ISU battled back to beat a stunned PSU team that is currently defending champions. The first half went by in an incredible 29 reality minutes, as only 5 fouls were called (yes, you read that right. Only 5 fouls...COMBINED! That's got to be some record) and Portland State was in Ken Bone form, nailing every damned 3 pointer in sight (giving many of us in the stands fits, and making General O'Brien's blood pressure rise to levels that were higher than any sphygmomanometer could possibly read). Portland State by the end of the half led 33-23 and many of the Bengal faithful had Up-For-Improvement style thoughts on their minds. Not to worry, however, for Matt Stucki, who broke the 1,000 career point mark that night, willed the Bengals to an incredible 2nd half. To understand how great this was, keep this in mind that we are a team that usually scores in the 40 point range...for the entire game. Not so this time, as we heaped on 55 second half points. Idaho State caught fire hotter than the Chicago Fire and torched Portland State with a healthy dose of offense that can only be described as (brace yourselves, sensitive eyes and ears)...in-fucking-credible. An 8-0 run that was followed by two momentum makin' dunks by Chron Tatum and Lucas Steijn and never looked back, outscoring the now-hapless Vikings 29-7 to start the half. The referees also came alive (or were switched out by Red Doug's agents...we'll never know) and called 34 fouls combined (and so many more free throws were issued than the lone one in the first half). The second half also saw Donnie Carson add an incredible, eye-popping ally-oop layup that involved him twisting in the air ala' Schwartz Bruder in G Gundam, doing a 1080 over Andre Murray, and calculating the tax return on every person in Michigan before putting the ball in the hoop (that he dramatically set on fire for special effect) that set off earthquakes reverberating as far as Kagoshima in Japan when it touched the ground (we of course never noticed the earthquakes, as Sir Donnie assured Bengal fans safety with this feat). Not to be outdone by Sir Donnie's magic show, PSU coach Ken Bone (who was lovingly quoted in my previous post) went loco on the referees and was promptly ejected from the game, much to the delight of the crowd and Sir Donnie, who applauded Kenny's effort to one-up him (that, of course, proved to be impossible). After the ejection, ISU led 52-40 and even with PSU chipping and hacking at the lead with more precision than the chiselers of the Sphinx, held on 60-59. Chron Tatum took it the distance for a lay-up and a free throw that would make it 63-59 and PSU found themselves in dire straits. The Vikings, in good fashion, had not only run out of mead but also 3 pointers as they had exhausted themselves of this offensive weapon in the 1st half. They missed 4 straight 3's on 4 straight possessions (they kept getting the offensive rebounds) and never capitalized. ISU drained 9 free throws and added some points to give General O'Brien his first win over PSU and ISU the 78-69 victory.


The Weekend Sweep: So easy, a monk can do it!

Valentine's Day saw a few awesome things. First off, Idaho State was fresh from the upset of Portland State and was aiming at achieving a home sweep, in order to drive out the barbarian invaders from the Northwestern regions. Second, the win places us in a 4th place tie with the Greelians. And finally...AMORROW MORGAN WTF!?! Yes, Amorrow Morgan did the coolest thing this season out of anybody I've seen and nailed a half-court shot at the half-time buzzer to earn full-on Awesomeness. That shot gave ISU a 39-30 halftime lead over the Eagles of Eastern Washington and never looked back as the Bengalians held off a furious rally to win, 75-70. Other than some wild moments, not much stands out about this game (which is sad, because it means less material for me to poke fun at). There were plenty of Giggly-Snerky moments in this game, however. To start, EWU has this guy on their team named Benny Valentine. If that's not an "LOL" moment, then I don't know what is. The real Name of the Game however, is Coach Earlywine, the main man of the Eagles. This isn't as funny as you think until you remember that a month and a half before, this guy awarded himself on the basis of having such a great name...with a DUI. Earlywine...DUI...hmmmm...*giggle-snerk*...Earlywine was certainly late in avoiding the valiant efforts of the local law enforcement and was really late in the rally that fell oh-so-short. EWU tried to make things interesting with several late bombs that brought it to a 74-70 ISU lead with 1.4 seconds left, but Chron Tatum responded by making a free throw (and missing the other one...he's so cute when he messes with our heads like that!) to ice this Valentine Love Concoction, 75-70.


Caracals are badass mofos.

In a totally unrelated post, caracals are really cool creatures. I sure wish I had one. They're cute. And totally badass looking at the same time.

Cultural Awareness: Portland State (Ken Bone Edition)

*Due to the time constraints of being a student, rugby union player, part-time worker/full time ladies' man, I will post cultural awareness of Portland State/Eastern Washington tomorrow or Sunday, or maybe they will go the way of the Achaemenids and remain unknown. Who knows, really? In its stead, I will post a gallery of Ken Bone, the highly acclaimed coach of the Portland State Vikings with actual quotes from the great man*

And now, for your enjoyment and edumacational opportunitah...the Ken Bone Gallery, complete with actual quotes from the best in the Big Sky next to THE Joe O'Brien

"They call me Bone...Ken Bone..."

"Just don't f**king talk to me. DON'T TALK TO ME!"

"COME ON DOMINGUEZ! SMACK HIS ASS! BE A MAN DAMMIT!"

"How the hell did I lose to a guy named 'Tinkle?'"

"You f**k with me again and I swear to God that playing time will be the least of your worries!!!"

"Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out!"

"It's okay to cry manly tears, Coston, but for God's sake the trainers won't have to worry about water for awhile with you crying an ocean"

"Yup...never should've left the office this morning..."

"No f**king way you just said that..."

"ARE YOU F**KING SERIOUS?!"

"What the-why are you touching me?! And that call was bullshit!"

"Ahhh...hahaha, no, that was most definitely a foul mi comprende...God, who hires you guys?"

"Champions, bitches! WHAT NOW!?"

"Hahahahaha! That was so funny, I think I'll beat your face!"

"Shit's crazy man...way crazy..."

"Forget the cheerleaders man! We're down 2 with 11 seconds to go! FOCUS DAMMIT!"

ISU-UNC Women's action

The battle-seasoned Space Fortress Reed silently drifts in space after a Greelian raid

What a game this was! It was an ugly win but ISU now owns a season sweep over Northern Colorado. Michelle Grohs exploded in the first half, pretty much nailing everything in sight with lethal accuracy and Oana Iacovita dominated post play, rolling and crushing all in her path to ensure Bengalian and Romanian domination. This helped ISU to a solid 25-12 lead (the Bears, however, would whittle that lead down to just 5 by halftime, making it 28-23). ISU came out a-firin' in the second half right up to the 10:46 mark, and that's when the game got downright ugly. The shots started clanking off the rim/backboard/The Broadside of a Barn. ISU hit a major bucket drought and UNC started rallying with a 15-2 run (we couldn't hit a shot for about 3-4 minutes) to pull within striking distance. ISU still held the lead for the entire game but almost lost composure in the face of a desperate Greelian onslaught on Space Fortress Reed's Line 3 defense zone, with Kevorken (refrain from endless euthanasia jokes, please) and Kaisha Brown firing a massive barrage of 3 pointers that made everybody present nervous as hell. However, some cool, calm measures taken by Sheila Adams and Jenna Brown ensured that the Greelians' rally would fall short. This victory is significant for a few reasons, as it gives the ISU women the 3rd place spot in the conference (awesome), and they have done this with only 8 players (Mega-Awesome). Great job to the staff for getting the team ready to play and hang on in an ugly win (at least, the 2nd half was ugly...how the agricultural, earth-bound Greelians managed to master space combat in such a short period of time is beyond me).

Keep 'Em Playing, Miss Holly!

Idaho State must now travel to the Pacific coast to do two things: show EWU who they REALLY serve and avenge the gut-wrenching loss to Portland State and their ever-clever coach, Sherri Murrell. The former should be easier (but not taken for granted), as ISU thoroughly dominated the last meeting, with a 71-54 victory for us. Portland State is a far different story, however. Sherri Murrell has turned that program around, making them an unbelievable power in a short period of time. From doormat to Montana-Challenger, PSU has stunned all in their speedy rise to glory. Winning at Portland State would be the Era 'd Soboleski's biggest coup to this date (we're all expecting more awesome victories in the future) and, given the parity this year in the Big Sky, would shake things up a bit (we can hope for that to happen...ahhh...sweet chaos...)

Cultural Awareness: Northern Colorado

It's time, once again, for your weekly Cultural Awareness lessons! This week, we're looking at the culture of the Greelians! (Guh-ree-lee-uhns for you Southeast Idahoans).


YEEHAAAAWWW!!!! COM HEE-YUUR LEETLE WOONNE!!!!

Greeley is located in the mountains, not too far east from Fort Collins, where the Ram people live. These people are almost entirely agricultural; they have little interest in technology. However, they are still formidable as a fighting force. The Greelians are part of a dual fortress system that was set up by the commanding people of the Coloradoan Alliance, the Buffalo People who reside in the fantastically unique name of Boulder (buahahahaha). This fortress system was made to prevent frequent (and annoying) incursions by a crazy raider group who call themselves the Cowboys. This system appears to have worked, and the Cowboys now raid Idaho and Montana (thanks a lot, Colorado). Field Marshall Soboleski and his determined staff held off the Cowboys in an earlier battle, (or shall we say, their womenfolk) so future incursions aren't very likely (one can hope).

Anyways, the Greelians aren't particularly interesting except for their fascination with bull-riding and bull-handling. This is a cultural phenomenon seen throughout the entire American West, Southwest, and Tex-huuss. However, being almost completely isolated from the world (save for some Buffalo or Ram people trading missions) has allowed these otherwise ordinary people to get very creative with their bull-riding and such. The bull is a sacred, awe-inspiring creature to the Greelians, who admire its hardiness and power. In the photo above, a young calf is being seized by a Greelian to take back to the main palace to either be sacrificed (bull blood is a potent liquid, said to give people like Jabril Banks immense power while they wage war on their enemies) or to be given a new home within the confines of what the natives call "The Sacred Stable." This stable is wrought entirely in gold and has only the finest straw for the bulls and cows that wander its immense interior (this information was given to us by the Amazing Dan Thompson, who risked life and limb in one of his last missions for the Bengalians. Outsiders are not allowed to see the Sacred Stable, and violation of this is certain death, typically by goring, not surprisingly). Legend also has it that a powerful minotaur-like creature exists in the distant parts of the Sacred Stable, lost in the mists of time and imagination. This creature is said to have completely destroyed an ancient civilization and then, for some reason, completely disappeared in the ruins that eventually became the first section of the Sacred Stable (and that also became lost and remains so to this day). It is surmised by scholars and sportswriters that the Minotaur emerges as a great warrior to rally the usually passive Greelians to battle (I think it's Jabril Banks, but that's just me). However, this is just a legend, Jabril Banks or not. The locals believe the legend with conviction, and have numerous festivals to celebrate the Minotaur's accomplishments (including an adorable puppet show that highlights the destruction of that unnamed civilization. It exists, just ask Kellis. He's seen it!)


A Greelian inspects the remnants of an ancient, powerful, bygone culture

In addition to the bull-worshipping ala' Ancient Crete, there exists numerous totem poles that hint at an ancient, powerful culture. A native Greelian, most likely a citizen who works at an apothecary (note the black robes), inspects this object. Not much is known about these totems, why they were built, and how they survived the Minotaur's rage. It's really mysterious how they've remained in such great condition, for the Greelians have ignored any attempts to restore them ("Restoring the totems displeaseth the Great One, so we have vigilantly ignored them," stated one local yokel. The "Great One" is a reference to the Minotaur, the central god of this fascinating religion). They seem to emit an incredible restorative power, as the grass, trees and flowers around them remain green and healthy, even during the winter months. Perhaps this power is how these totems have been able to remain intact and strong as ever, frustrating the Greelians. They follow similar patterns of their counterparts from the Northwest and suggest this civilization was a very large one due to these closely related patterns. Because of the secrecy and the suspicion of outsiders, any knowledge about this civilization has been very, VERY slow to piece together.

Weber State: The Aftermath

The bloody aftermath of ISU-Weber State Women's basketball:

War is hell, man

Well, what a game that was! Unlike my previous post where I predicted a low-scoring game, this game not only went into overtime, but also it greatly exceeded my predicted 37-30 final score. Yes, I know that sounds redundant, but I was banking on the uber-awesome defenses of Carla Taylor and Angela Munger. Here's why that didn't happen: I didn't figure on super long-range artillery being a factor in this game!!! Other than being utilized as Grade-A Defense Softener, I figured those 120-mm howitzers would be used as back-up. Boy, was I wrong. Both teams exploded over the front lines and went wild, an incredible battle-royale! The Weberians used their deep reserve units to wear down the vigilant ISU defenders; wave after wave of purple-clad warriors gladly sacrificed themselves for the Weberian Fire Gods and Carla Taylor. Many were lost; 77,000 are reported to have joined the Great Wildcat on His Fiery Throne. The Weberians, undeterred by the frequent rallies and comebacks (initiated by Major Brown and Major Grohs, which were just brilliant in keeping defenders' morale high...kudos) managed to exact an incredible 78,000 casualties. General Munger has not issued any press releases, nor has General Robertson, both of whom are speculated to be at central command deep within Space Fortress Holt planning the Weberian's eventual downfall with a rumored counterattack on the Dee Central Space Colony on Side 5, located in geosynchronous orbit roughly 3/5's the distance to the moon.

Seriously, though, it was a very hard fought game featuring 11 lead changes and an absolutely WILD 5 minutes in regulation. Neither team refused to quit, and although I'm not much with moral victories, I give my biggest kudos to both teams. Way to play guys!!!! Giant kudos to ISU for giving this kind of effort with 8 players. Can you say, "BALLERS?!"

Interesting notes: The Bengalian Defense Corps were brilliant in making the Weberians pay for every yard they gained on the ground. Even though the Weberians were victorious, the battle was incredibly costly for the Weberians and they still left the central command post intact. With a General Staff like the one Field Marshall Soboleski has, that's going to come back and bite you in the form of a giant solar-powered laser hitting your central fortress to wipe away any thoughts of resistance as the Bengal Corps come marching in declaring victory.

Kudos to Jenna Brown, that sneaky ninja! She played like a player possessed and was incredible the entire game, dashing left and right with shots here, passes there and layups-a-plenty. With Weberian forces about to withdraw, she managed to wipe out an entire unit of unsuspecting Weberians with her shuriken and took control of a still-functioning artillery device. She used it to fire one last shot, even though the battle was lost. Defiant to the end, The Ninja let it be known that she'll play to the very last. She's a baller, yo!

Oana Iacovita is a tough, tough player. She took a rifle butt to the head and still played like a champion! She had a great game, including nailing a 3. It's not often you see a post hit 3's, even in women's basketball, so it was a treat indeed. Way to be, Oana!

Also needin' some kudos is The Sheila Adams. She sprained her ankle in the 2nd half, giving the crowd and this blog author a heart attack in the process. She was back up and running, thanks to the amazing talents of Jody Wotowey, who almost certainly possesses magical healing powers not unlike the Great Faeries in the Legend of Zelda. Sheila, keep up the good work! You're gonna be...A STAR!!!

Finally, kudos for Weber State. I know, I know...but still, they played very well. They overcame ISU's defense, an incredible final 5 minutes of regulation, a certain ISU die-hard and held on to win. They may have a 2-6 conference record, but they played like a championship-caliber team. Kudos to Carla Taylor and the Weber State team.

I'm in no way ripping on ISU here, but this game could have been won. The biggest difference maker, bigger than 3 pointers, great defensive plays or 120-mm artillery pieces were...free throws. Yes, those simple, boring, fundamental free throws, IMO, cost us the game. 8 free throws may seem like a small, insignificant bunch of points, even smaller when you figure in that the Weberians missed 14 (courtesy of yours truly, babaaay!). However, look at the point difference in the final with Jenna's last-ditch 3: 78-77. 1 point. Now look at it without that last 3: 78-74. 8 free throws...4 points with no 3...hmmmmm...


"To hell with the trenches, MELEE ON THE COURT!!!"

Overall, even though this was a gut-wrenching defeat, I'm happy. Why? Well, look what we did with 8 players (more like 7, as Jeni Guertin did not get in until a few seconds left in OT). We took Weber State to the brink; we took them to OT with just 7 players. I wish we had a bigger bench, but shit's happened the past few months (injuries, academic trouble and credits not being transferred...the latter should never happen, ever. No excuses!) that's prevented that luxury. I'm sure this team will be very hungry for the game Saturday. These women have their sights set on not only finishing the season, but making a statement in the process. I can see it in their eyes and I can see it in their coaches' eyes. They are determined and as hellbent as ever to play. Not only will this never-say-die effort reward them richly with victories, but they will also be conducted safe passage by the Valkyries to Valhalla, where they will become Einherjar and drink their fill of delicious victory mead. Thank you guys, you've played great so far, don't quit!!! Keep on fighting! Forget kudos for you guys, you all get Chugs on the Shoulders!