Cultural Awareness: Northern Colorado

It's time, once again, for your weekly Cultural Awareness lessons! This week, we're looking at the culture of the Greelians! (Guh-ree-lee-uhns for you Southeast Idahoans).


YEEHAAAAWWW!!!! COM HEE-YUUR LEETLE WOONNE!!!!

Greeley is located in the mountains, not too far east from Fort Collins, where the Ram people live. These people are almost entirely agricultural; they have little interest in technology. However, they are still formidable as a fighting force. The Greelians are part of a dual fortress system that was set up by the commanding people of the Coloradoan Alliance, the Buffalo People who reside in the fantastically unique name of Boulder (buahahahaha). This fortress system was made to prevent frequent (and annoying) incursions by a crazy raider group who call themselves the Cowboys. This system appears to have worked, and the Cowboys now raid Idaho and Montana (thanks a lot, Colorado). Field Marshall Soboleski and his determined staff held off the Cowboys in an earlier battle, (or shall we say, their womenfolk) so future incursions aren't very likely (one can hope).

Anyways, the Greelians aren't particularly interesting except for their fascination with bull-riding and bull-handling. This is a cultural phenomenon seen throughout the entire American West, Southwest, and Tex-huuss. However, being almost completely isolated from the world (save for some Buffalo or Ram people trading missions) has allowed these otherwise ordinary people to get very creative with their bull-riding and such. The bull is a sacred, awe-inspiring creature to the Greelians, who admire its hardiness and power. In the photo above, a young calf is being seized by a Greelian to take back to the main palace to either be sacrificed (bull blood is a potent liquid, said to give people like Jabril Banks immense power while they wage war on their enemies) or to be given a new home within the confines of what the natives call "The Sacred Stable." This stable is wrought entirely in gold and has only the finest straw for the bulls and cows that wander its immense interior (this information was given to us by the Amazing Dan Thompson, who risked life and limb in one of his last missions for the Bengalians. Outsiders are not allowed to see the Sacred Stable, and violation of this is certain death, typically by goring, not surprisingly). Legend also has it that a powerful minotaur-like creature exists in the distant parts of the Sacred Stable, lost in the mists of time and imagination. This creature is said to have completely destroyed an ancient civilization and then, for some reason, completely disappeared in the ruins that eventually became the first section of the Sacred Stable (and that also became lost and remains so to this day). It is surmised by scholars and sportswriters that the Minotaur emerges as a great warrior to rally the usually passive Greelians to battle (I think it's Jabril Banks, but that's just me). However, this is just a legend, Jabril Banks or not. The locals believe the legend with conviction, and have numerous festivals to celebrate the Minotaur's accomplishments (including an adorable puppet show that highlights the destruction of that unnamed civilization. It exists, just ask Kellis. He's seen it!)


A Greelian inspects the remnants of an ancient, powerful, bygone culture

In addition to the bull-worshipping ala' Ancient Crete, there exists numerous totem poles that hint at an ancient, powerful culture. A native Greelian, most likely a citizen who works at an apothecary (note the black robes), inspects this object. Not much is known about these totems, why they were built, and how they survived the Minotaur's rage. It's really mysterious how they've remained in such great condition, for the Greelians have ignored any attempts to restore them ("Restoring the totems displeaseth the Great One, so we have vigilantly ignored them," stated one local yokel. The "Great One" is a reference to the Minotaur, the central god of this fascinating religion). They seem to emit an incredible restorative power, as the grass, trees and flowers around them remain green and healthy, even during the winter months. Perhaps this power is how these totems have been able to remain intact and strong as ever, frustrating the Greelians. They follow similar patterns of their counterparts from the Northwest and suggest this civilization was a very large one due to these closely related patterns. Because of the secrecy and the suspicion of outsiders, any knowledge about this civilization has been very, VERY slow to piece together.