*Film is rolling*
Steve: Man that was some great stuff last week. The team is playing fantastic right now! *chuckles* Poor Montana, they're not going to realize what hit them.
*A phone rings*
Steve: ISU Basketball, Steve Swanson speaking...
Mysterious man: Steve, Idaho State can't possibly beat Montana on the road and get a sweep. You know that.
Steve: Who is this?!
Mysterious man: My identity is of no concern to you. I'm telling you that beating Montana on the road is impossible and cannot be done. Forget it Steve!
Steve: *snickers* So are you telling me to stay home?
Mysterious man: Yes, there are bigger fish to fry anyway. You're needed elsewhere.
Steve: Waaaaaitt a second...I knew it! John Porter Goss, what the hell? I thought we had a deal!
Goss: Steve, the CIA has fallen on hard times. We need your expertise. None of our agents, save for the Delta Force and some unnamed independent fellas, are capable as we had hoped. Remember the Uzbekistan raid and that crazy ass job you did in Athens 2004? The work you did in Tbilisi? You were the best, Steve. You were the greatest counterterrorist agent we had in decades.
Steve: Look Goss, I know that I did incredible things back in the day. Come on, I could make improvised C4 explosives out of Power Ranger dolls that could take out skyscrapers. But living a double life as a basketball coach and a counterterror agent was hard. Having all those terrorist wackos after me 24/7 burned me out. And I'm a married man now. I thought our deal was that you'd never bother me after I left the CIA.
Goss: That was then, this is now. Terrorists are on the move all over the world and Delta Force can't keep them in check by themselves. Look, I'll offer you anything you want, Steve. I'll even throw in a new mansion in the Caribbean after your other house got sold off.
Steve: Sold off? Uhhhh...it was firebombed by the Jamaat al Muslimeem. You don't remember?
Goss: OK, OK, you got me there. Tell you what. You do this job for me, I'll never bother you again. Hell, I'll even tell my successor to not bother you if that's what you want. Think about it... you could, for 1 week, relive your glory days running around blowing stuff up and making your code name feared once again throughout the terrorist world.
Steve: My code name is ironic because I wasn't born in Scotland...
Goss: True, but you can't tell me that "The Killer Scot" is an awesome codename?
Steve: *sigh*...OK, let's hear the details. What do you have in mind?
Goss: Well, it actually involves you staying close to home.
Steve: Really?
Goss: Yeah, this mission takes you to 2491 Washington BLVD, Suite 201, Ogden, Utah
Steve: My God!!!! THE BIG SKY HEADQUARTERS!!!
*Loud pounding on the wall*
Joe O'Brien: STEVE GODDAMMIT I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!!!!!
Steve: Ooops! Sorry Joe! *lowers voice* Wow, that's unexpected...so what am I doing?
Goss: We've confirmed that Doug Fullerton is the head of an international organization dedicated to bringing the world under his heel through terrorism, buying of politicians and bad officiating.
Steve: Kinda like COBRA of G.I. Joe?
Goss: Actually, now that you mention it, yes! One of our spies returned with a photo of Mr. Fullerton. Check your email, I just sent it.
*Steve logs on to his computer and checks his email, and this photo comes up*
Steve: Wow, Doug sure has some weird fashion designs for an aspiring dictator
Goss: I know, we couldn't stop laughing. So what do you say?
Steve: Well, what do you need me to do? I can't assassinate him, he's a conference commissioner.
Goss: I know, that's the bad part about it. *Sigh*...Wait, I got it!
Steve: Let's hear it!
Goss: OK, so how bout' just knocking him out and replacing him with a double? Not only would we be ridding the world of an aspiring dictator but you'd be gaining a better commissioner in the process! Two birds with one stone!
Steve: Well...I dunno. You'd think people would notice that Doug is acting a little strangely with the reversal of the "No-Criticizing Officials" Rule in such a short time.
Goss: Hmmm, you've got a point...Maybe we could just get in there, kidnap him and force him to resign? Make him issue a press release stating that he's tired and that he's going to retire.
Steve: Well, he is getting a bit old...alright, I need to get some exercise anyways.
Goss: OK, great! I'll send you another email giving you the details of this mission! America and inadvertently, the Big Sky thanks you for your bravery!
Steve: Alright, I will be in touch. "Killer Scot" over and out.
Steve: Well, I better wake Joe...can't go this alone.
O'Brien *standing in the doorway*: I heard everything. I've been meaning to do this for a long time. *Grins* "BlackHawk" is back in action!
Steve: This is going to be a LOT of fun, heh heh! Ol' Doug is going to be very surprised to see us! Hey, wait a second...
O'Brien: What is it?
Steve: Shouldn't we issue a press release that we're going to be out of the games this week due to personal issues?
O'Brien: Nah, we'll be back on Wednesday morning before the bus arrives. Piece of cake my man!
Steve: Alright then! Let's go!
Steve "The Killer Scot" Swanson and Joe "Black Hawk" O'Brien turn off the lights, lock the doors and leave the office, and head down to Ogden, Utah, for a confrontation that will save the world (and the Big Sky Conference as well).
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