Sunday, December 27, 2009

Big Sky Conference Standings as of Meow

Greetings! We're nearing the end of the Year 2009 and so far, the conference race is heating up already! Already one team (Montana State if you can believe it) has 2 Conference wins! It's incredible, I know! These are your Big Sky Conference standings as of meow!

Montana State 2-0 (7-5) Losing streak at 1

Stuff: MSU is the surprise of the conference right now standing with 2 conference wins and the lead over a surprisingly 7-6 Weber State. Perhaps the black magic that the Bobcats used last year in the Conference Tournament of Wooden Trophy Glory was only a sign of things to come. More likely, MSU will hopefully falter and order will be restored in the conference when Weber steps up to the plate. Key Wins: Northern Colorado, Northern Arizona, UC Santa-Barbara

Weber State 1-0 (7-6) Losing Streak at 1

Stuff: Weber State is aiming to roll through the conference after a surprising 7-6 start to the season. The Wildcats are hoping to establish hegemony once more over the Big Sky Conference and erase the memory of an OOC slump (losing to BYU and USU...gahhhh...). An OOC slump that has also seen some inconsistency, like winning by a mere 3 points over Montana Tech while beating Utah by 7, all the while losing to the same UC Santa Barbara team that lost big to Montana State. And adding insult to injury, lost to the Aggies of Utah State twice, once in Ogden by 6 and then again in the Gossner Foods Classic (seriously? That's a tournament?) by 8. And having to endure the ridicule of Utahns of the more angry type. Key Wins: Utah, Sacramento State

Portland State 1-0 (5-7) Losing Streak at 3

Stuff: Portland State, the reigning Champion of the Big Sky Trophy God Tournament and current holder of two awe-inspiring Wooden Trophies, is hoping to snap a 3-game losing streak. The Vikings are dealing with the loss of Ken Bone *swoon* and are coping better than many thought, with wins over Pepperdine and Eastern Washington. They did, however, suffer a pancing by U-DUB!!!, 111-55 (ouch). The Vikings look to enter January on a positive note and hope to continue their quest for a three-peat (although that is unlikely to happen).

Northern Colorado 1-1 (10-3) Win Streak at 1

Stuff: The surprise team and technically the best team in the conference right now, the Bears are on a roll. After enduring a few down years after transitioning into the Big Sky Conference, the Bears are looking to capitalize on a 10-3 season (thus far). Northern Colorado is hoping to finish the OOC schedule strong, and it is likely they will enter January with a 12-3 record. Out of all the teams, the Bears are looking the most legit after taking Oklahoma (yes, the Sooners) all the way to the final seconds, losing 80-79 (you read that right...not even kidding you). The only blemish is a loss to Montana State, a loss UNC will be sure to avenge in their January 31st matchup in Greeley. Look for the Bears to assert domination early and often starting the January. Key Wins: Impressive resume at the moment for the Bears, so this isn't really necessary.

Montana 1-1 (10-4) Win Streak at 4

Stuff: The Grizzlies, by merit of their 10-4 OOC record (second only to Northern Colorado), rank as second best overall. They are on a hot streak right now with a 4-game win streak. The Grizzlies are looking to roll right on into January with an 11-3 record complete with another conference win over Idaho State on New Year's Eve Day. Montana has also beaten Oregon convincingly, the same Ducks team that beat Idaho State a few nights ago. The Griz, in fact, have played a few good teams in Oregon, Boise State, and Fresno State...and have won all those matchups. Montana has not lost by disgusting margins and was a point away from beating Colorado State in Fort Collins. A very dangerous team that will enter January demanding the same respect/hate/adoration/we-hate-your-damn-guts-leave-now that the football team garners on a weekly/yearly basis. Montana must watch out for Idaho State, even if that seems silly because ISU has had Montana's number for the past 2 seasons, in Pocatello AND in Missoula. Like the ISU-Montana football game, never count it as an automatic win for the Boys in Maroon and Silver. Key Wins: Boise State, Fresno State, Oregon (2 of those teams have beaten ISU; BSU and Fresno State)

Sacramento State 1-1 (6-8) Losing Streak at 1

Stuff: The Hornets are 6-8 overall and it looks like it will be another disappointing but fun-filled, parodied season with Brian Katz in Sacramento, while they adjust to all his playcalling penchants (such as writing them on in big black letters on white glossy paperboard...the tool of champions). The Hornets have one conference win, and it was against *dramatic pause*...Idaho State! (64-63). The Hornets may or may not improve, but outside of Sacramento, Cheney and Pocatello, nobody's watching. Key Wins: Idaho State, Oregon State

Eastern Washington 0-1 (4-9) Losing Streak at 4

Stuff: The Eagles are struggling and are hoping to snap a 4-game skid before the month ends, and Sacramento State is their only chance. The Eags have lost to just about every big team they have played; however it is only Coach Kirk Earlywine's third year (barely) so more time will be needed. The Eagles will probably be confined to a Snuggie at season's end. Key Wins: Whitman, Walla Walla (giggle)

Northern Arizona 0-2 (4-7) Losing Streak at 1

Stuff: NAU is entering what appears to be a depressing season with our good friend Mike Adras once more. What was once a mighty physical, imposing team is now...well, not Lumberjacks, that's for sure. NAU has two conference losses and hopes to rebound in January when conference starts up fo' reals. Don't expect much from the boys over in Flagstaff this year, except a navy blue and yellow Snuggie. Key Wins: UC-Riverside, Air Force (really?!)

Idaho State 0-1 (2-10) Losing Streak at 6

Stuff: For a team with 7 seniors and gobs of expectations and a slightly lighter schedule, ISU figured to be where Northern Colorado and the Montanas are right now: exercising dominance over the Big Sky. Instead, the Bengals are on a 6-game losing streak and lost to Sacramento State on the road where they were heavily favored to win (again). ISU MUST win against Montana Tech, a team that took Weber State to the brink and lost by 3. Then after that it's the Griz coming to Pocatello. ISU has history and O'Brien on their side, as the Bengals have remained that one team that has more or less owned the Grizzlies the past 3 seasons. ISU can hopefully rebound from this offseason and make a run for, dare I say, hosting the tournament (only 1 conference loss thus far). And if not, this will be the de facto anthem of Idaho State University for the year:
Key Wins: The only wins they have on the schedule. Hahaha

So this is what the season is at so far, updates to come later before the school year starts. Let the quest for Wooden Trophy Glory continue in earnest!

And READY THE SNUGGIES FOR THE LOSERS!!!

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

The Journey Begins Anew!



WHERE'S YOUR GOD NOW?!

The Journey for Wooden Trophy Glory begins anew with the rise of a new basketball season! Portland State earned the blessings of the Big Sky Trophy God last year with a victory over a shocking Montana State basketball team that somehow beat Tournament favorite Weber State. For the rest of the the Sky, the offseason was spent planning and recruiting while wearing the Cursed Snuggies, a punishment from the BSTG for their exemplary showings of Fail during the tournament.

But this year everything begins anew! The Trophy God, though cruel at times and always bizarre, is fair and unbiased. Let the fun, games and mayhem commence!

Retraction

In my post, "ISU Football, Adagio for Strings," I said that this football team was on the brink of collapse and was turning in, that they were not playing with any pride and that they were sick of the season, and had a severe lack of heart.

I retract that, and admit that post was written during the darkest period of the season.

The Bengals played #2 Montana last Saturday. The final score ended in an ISU win, Montana 12, ISU 10. The score is meaningless, because Montana in reality did not win. They lost. They lost in a humiliating fashion. Their vaunted receivers and runningbacks were stuffed time and time again, and our defense played out of their minds. They were absolutely insane. Running on pure heart, they dug deep inside their hearts and their souls and managed to pull out the greatest victory in years. Montana, a team supposed to win by 60 points and a team some say will win the National Championship, had no answer. ISU kept coming in waves, each wave stronger than the last. Montana only got the winning field goal on sheer luck. Micheal Wright and AJ Storms got a hand on the ball but it barely squeaked inside the goal post and Montana celebrated a win they did not actually get. Normally I do not claim moral victories because 99% of the time they are bullshit. I will make an exception for this.

This is ISU football. This is how ISU football is supposed to be, with players playing on heart and grit and not taking shit from anyone. This is the ISU football team we have seen slight glimpses of all season, with the goal line stand vs Oklahoma and the powerful defensive showing against ASU until the 4th Quarter.

Let's go and beat Portland State this Saturday and finish a bad season with 2 fun weeks of football.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

ISU Football: Adagio For Strings

Looking back at my earlier post (and the only one, this semester has been completely hectic since I'm assuming a larger workload this time), it seems that everything I stated is coming to fruitition, and more.

This is a brief departure from my otherwise humorous stance...but it must be understood that this is a desperate situation.

ISU Football is becoming a failed state. We are collasping faster than our friends of the Austro-Hungarian Empire. ISU's average game attendence may be reported at 5,000 or so but there's no way. We're lucky to have about 1,000 left after the 3rd quarter.

We have suffered bad losses and they haven't even been close. Remember how I said that we live or die in October? Well, we're being driven to extinction. Central Washington was supposed to be our game, our time when we could finally get back on track after being body bags for Oklahoma, Arizona State and Weber State. Instead, we got humiliated by a Central Washington team, at home, and they were still playing very sloppy football. CWU could have droppped 40 or 50 points on us. October has been even crueler, with traditional doormat Northern Colorado beating us by 30 points and getting their first Big Sky road win. None of our games has even been close, with most of our losses being in the 20-30 point range. The players have given up entirely and the coaches don't seem to have a clue with what kind of team they want to build. Normally stuff like this doesn't bother me. It hurts but I get over it and am ready to face another week with determined resolve. However, the football team doesn't even care anymore. They are more concerned with getting the season over with and have lost almost all hope in themselves and in each other. We fall apart completely when the other team scores or makes a big play. That's all it takes.

And all the while this is happening, the program continues to suck up scholarships that could be better used by a winning soccer team so they are able to retain players and become a stable program and eventually a consistent contender for the Big Sky's bid to the NCAA Touranment. Volleyball continues to get better and they compete with a lot of heart every game, even in losing efforts. Track and field retains its national reputation of being a respected program. None of these solid programs get any help from the athletic department; it seems that the department prefers to continue giving all the support to a football program that is hemorrhaging players and fan support.

A fan should always give his/her support no matter what, through the dark times and the light, the rainy days and the sunny days. This is no mere rainstorm we have entered. We have entered a hurricane the likes of which we may not survive to see the end of. It'd be one thing if the team showed some heart, but none do other than a very precious few. This is one of the biggest killers for a fan. When the team finally gives in to their doubts and refuses to budge further because they are completely listless and frustrated from their efforts (or lack thereof). This drives even the best fans away, and it is doing so to Yours Truly.

Divisions run deep in this team, although out of what little respect I have left I will refrain from greatly deliniating on who said what. The players are no longer responding to the coaches; the coaches have failed to motivate the players and the players seem to lack unity. This is what I see from watching them play and occasionally seeing some practices, this is what I sense from them on a daily basis.

We were at a crucial juncture this season and now we have crossed the Rubicon and in a very bad, haphazard way.

Whatever the outcome of this terrible season is, there is one thing for certain. The final song that plays on November 14th against Portland State won't be the ISU Alma Mater. It will be Adagio For Strings.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Football Preview For 2009 (this is long so bear with me)


Let's try not to end up like this man and HIS empire

Pictured above is the Archduke himself, Franz Ferdinand. He was the heir to the Habsburg Throne of Austria-Hungary. 4 years after his death on June 28th, 1914, Austria-Hungary ceased to exist after many years of steady decline. 91 years after the demise of that empire, Idaho State's football program is seemingly heading down the same path of non-existence. Replacing France, Italy, Britain and Czarist Russia are Oklahoma, Arizona State, Weber State and Montana. A powerful host of enemies that might serve as the fatal knockout blow to ISU Bengal football. ISU is currently sporting a 6-28 record since 2006 and is in dire straits (with the terrible economy and a fuming population in Pocatello). Like Austria-Hungary, ISU has not done anything of real value since 1982 (the last time we were in the playoffs). The Big Sky Championship earlier this decade was shared with Montana and Montana State; ISU was 1 game away from the playoffs. Since that high of 8-4, ISU has declined slowly to become the laughing stock of the Big Sky. And this year will be the biggest test; this season will test the resolve and heart of this team. So let's look at this team's challenges this year and what needs to be done (in my opinion) to not become another Austria-Hungary (sans countless ethnic divisions, of course).

9/5 @ Arizona State--This game sees ISU taking on another PAC-10 opponent, this time a program with some actual tradition. Corvallis has nothing on the wacky atmosphere at Tempe, the old site of the Fiesta Bowl. The Sun Devils are coached by Dennis Erickson, who is a bit of a journeyman (but knows how to build winners; he won a title with Miami and actually built Idaho into a good program back in the 80's). ISU actually has a bit of experience with him; the Bengals played against his Vandals team back in 2006 and lost by 3 (on several questionable calls, no doubt an attempt by I-U to save some dignity). However almost all those players are gone. Not that it matters. ASU will most likely get a good warm-up and roll over ISU (and the best punching bag in recent memory, Rudy Carpenter, is gone. Seriously, you could sack that guy all you wanted and he just kept coming back for more).

9/12 @ Oklahoma--I pointed this out in an earlier post. The only thing ISU can do in this game is hope to decleat Sam Bradford and REALLY ruin the Sooners' season. Actually, ISU can do a few things in this game. Big 12 defenses are nothing to be afraid of, because all of them seem to like watching the offense light up the scoreboards. The past few years have seen the Sooners put up (pardon the French) in-fucking-credible offensive numbers, the kind you see in basketball games and NCAA Football video games. ISU should put a few touchdowns on Oklahoma, but don't expect anything here. It's going to be worse than Tannenberg. And we're the Russian Army playing right into the Imperial German army's entrenched defensive positions.

9/19 @ Weber State--As if this month of September isn't rough enough, Franz Ferdinand's ghost is leading us straight to the defending conference champion's lair in Ogden. Weber State has almost everyone back from last year and considering the numbers Weber State put up on us, that's not a pleasant prospect. ISU can put up a fight, provided the first two games didn't totally wreck our football team (like the way Alexsei Brusilov wrecked the Austro-Hungarians with the Brusilov Offensives). It's going to be very difficult, but ISU can pull off an incredible upset and make this a rivalry.

9/26 vs CWU--Coach Zamberlin's old haunt and gig comes to Pocatello, where ISU can do 1 of 2 things. The Bengals could win this and go 3-0 all-time against CWU and get some morale back, or totally blow it in front of a dangerously small crowd and potentially derail the season. This would also make October a matter of life-or-death. ISU wins this one, but should be on guard because CWU is a good D-2 team and has the potential of being another North Dakota.

10/03 vs Eastern Washington--ISU should put up a very good fight here. EWU is on NCAA probation and despite having key players back, this season is probably going to be worthless to the Eagles. ISU played EWU very tough last year in Cheney; almost pulling off an upset but losing late in the 4th quarter. I say ISU wins this but it will take some serious effort.

10/10 @ Sacramento State--CSUS is angrier than the Romanian minorities in Transylvania. ISU's lone win last year was this game in a dramatic overtime victory on a 16 yard run on 3rd down by Kenyon Blue. ISU should also win this game and hopefully in regulation.

10/17 vs Northern Colorado--ISU wins this, because NC, even with their win in Greeley last year, is still adjusting to the Big Sky (hence the 8th place rankings). This is big for ISU because a win here plus hopeful wins over CSUS, EWU, and CWU would get 4 wins (and God willing a win over Weber nets us 5). ISU could realistically be sporting a 4-3 record by this time (we can pray), but a 3-4 record wouldn't be a disaster either (but not as good as we want it to be).

10/24 @ NAU--ISU HAS to win this game. NAU has had some great run defenses and very good athletes but has not been able to capitalize on this (they somehow squander it every year. It could make a grown man cry sometimes). ISU's record in the J. Walkup Skydome isn't the best but this is crucial and a must-win for the Bengals.

10/31 @ MSU--Montana State/Idaho State games have usually been pretty good. If it weren't for horrible play calling all season, ISU could very well have taken it to MSU, and 2 years ago ISU played MSU very tough in Bozeman before bowing out. This is another must-win for ISU and hopefully the Bengals can pull off some trickery for the treat of getting a win in Bozeman and close out October on a good note (if the month has been bad) or a great note (if ISU runs the table and become worldbeaters).

11/7 vs Montana--Ahhhhh! Hell Day! ISU-Montana games, for reasons more mysterious than Earle Bruce's firing, have been very close, hotly contested games. Montana, although ranked #1 in the conference polls and the runner-up for D-1AA, has lost a LOT of personnel, and in key positions too. The eternal optimist in me says, by the Grace of God and Imperial Germany, we win in a barnburner. This is ISU's best chance for the upset of the decade (because Montana, we all know, will be ranked in November. No question).

11/14 vs Portland State--The Elvis Guy returns to Pocatello to try and avenge the incredible collapse of the 2007 season, where PSU had the lead and the Bengal defense forced fumbles left and right to return them for TD's and the 38-30 win. This game is winnable because it's at home and ISU, provided they conquer October, could end the season at a 5-7 or a 6-6 record. (we all want a 7-5 but I don't see that happening. Of course if it does, I'm going to be damned euphoric).

So ISU, judging by the schedule, will most likely live or die in October. September has one winnable game, a potential upset, and two complete slaughterings. November only has 2 games because of the lack of a bye week this season. ISU should be much better this season with a desperately needed overhaul on offense and a new, kick-ass mentality on defense. Look for the Bengals to run the ball a little more and to actually--GASP!!!--pass downfield more. Russell Hill has the experience in the system and 2 years under his belt but the masses are clamoring for Kyle Blum, who has athleticism and a rocket-powered arm (Russell Hill has the potential of being a Rudy Carpenter. That is, somebody who has been playing for 4-5 years and never gets anything accomplished other than being a defense's favorite target). The defense should be more aggressive with the 4-3 and hopefully we'll see some blitzes ala' Hutier tactics. ISU cannot afford to nosedive into catastrophe. Support is already at dangerous levels and the discontent is very audible, if not downright abrasive. Another horrible season and we'll be hearing the calls for axing the program to save money and dignity. In these financially uncertain times, it's a distinct possibility.


This is what we should aim for. Don't go for the book, think like a Prussian!

The Bengal Fan's Schedule Review for Fall 2009

I posted this on bengals.bigskyfans.com but felt compelled to post here on the Ol' Blog.

August

What to look for: The end of summer and sleeping in, the start of classes, and a soccer team that's height/size deprived.

The Bengal Faithful get 2 soccer matches this month, one on Tuesday 18th against Northwest Nazarene (11AM at Davis Field) and the first ever meeting with the Lobster-Lovers from Maine (Sunday the 30th, 1PM at Davis). These two games are great previews of the smaller, faster quark-women that will probably dominate the soccer field (I believe we won't have the players of Okamura's and Quigley's size this year, as Noelle Sanders and Michelle Harrison left)

September

What to look for: Anybody. Rugby is the only team home every other weekend. Oh and football is home the 26th after some tomfoolery by 550 Memorial Drive that sends us to ASU, Oklahoma AND Weber State on the road with no bye week this season. Look for signs of the Soccer and Volleyball teams, they're here somewhere.

September is where things start getting going for the Bengal Faithful (even if there were plenty of games last year this month). There are rugby matches against Utah and the North/South Game (both at Bartz Field at 1:00 PM; Utah on the 12th and the N/S Game on the 19th). Soccer gets only 1 home game against Utah Valley on Wednesday the 23rd (4:00PM at Davis). Volleyball gets their first home matches on the 25th (Friday) and 26th (Saturday) against EWU and PSU; both at 7:00PM in Reed Gym. Football is very absent this month with only 1 home game against Central Washington (many, including me, have said this is a trap game); kickoff at 3:30 on the 26th. Be sure to catch both the Volleyball game and the Football game on the 26th!

October

What to look for: Soccer's Atomic Reactor impersonation (little things flying all over the place), Volleyball's defiant defense of the home court and hopeful gradual improvement into a Big Sky Contender, and Football lives or dies here. Look for the 2 million rugby matches at Bartz Field too. Also, though it's hard to find, look for ASISU to hopefully schedule Homecoming the week of the 12th-17th.

Typically the month of fun for the Bengal Fan. Has Halloween, plenty of football and in general LOTS of games! Rugby will be home all month with all matches starting at 1:00PM at Bartz Field. The breakdown of the opponents is as follows: Weber (3rd), Utah State (10th), Boise State (17th), Montana (24th), and Snow College (Halloween). Football will also be home twice against EWU (the 3rd, kickoff at 3:30) and Northern Colorado (the 17th, kickoff at 3:30). Soccer has matches with Montana on the 8th (4:00PM), NAU on the 15th (4:00PM) and the 17th (Northern Colorado, 1:00PM). The finale of the soccer season is Halloween at 1:00PM. Volleyball also has a candy bag of goodies with 6 home matches. AAAASSSS Folloooowwss: Sacramento State (9th, 7:00PM), BSU (10th, 7:00PM), Seattle (16th, 7:00PM) UVU (17th, 7:00PM), Northern Colorado (30th, 7:00PM) and NAU finishes on Halloween at 7:00PM.

The 8th-10th will feature 4 home games and the 15th-17th will be a Bengal Bonanza (why ASISU never schedules Homecoming on a week full of Bengal games defies common sense) with 6 games; 4 on Saturday alone (choose between rugby at 1PM or soccer at 1PM)

November

What to look for: The hopefully happy ending for Soccer, Rugby, Volleyball and Football

The final month for football, volleyball, soccer and rugby and the transition to the hardwood! There's the big Montana game on the 7th; Hell kicks off at 3:30 in Holt (and fill that sucker UP). Football finishes on the 14th with a 3:30 kickoff time and volleyball has 3 matches with Weber (7:00PM, the 14th), MSU (the 20th at 7:00) and Montana (21st at 7:00PM).

Thursday, July 23, 2009

The Big Sky Conference: Civilization Style

Wow, I'm on a roll with these posts here! Part of the joys of summer vacation is that, despite the workout schedule and the millions of hours wasted at work, there will always be Civilization 3. Endless hours of triumph and tragedy, joy and heartache have been my best companion when playing this game.

Now we get to play it Big Sky style! If Big Sky football teams were Civilizations, what would be their attributes and outcomes? Please note: I was extremely bored when I wrote this :)

Montana Grizzlies:

Montana is definitely the world superpower. They have the technological advances, the key resources and the most powerful military units in the game. Not to mention they have a relatively happy and prosperous population (save for the occasional rantings of wanting to build a Spaceship to that great space colonization dream, the Western Athletic Conference). Montana is a Democracy, though very nationalistic. They have colonies scattered all over Big Sky Land and are well defended. Definitely a civilization that will require a brutal, even apocalyptic, war to unseat as the preeminent world power.

Montana State Bobcats:

Montana State is Montana's significant other. Though they are of the Mid-Industrial Age complete with decent military units and such, they lack important important resources like rubber and oil, which impair their ability to wage a prolonged war with Montana. The Bobcats could go to war with Montana in the colonies, but they would be sending obsolete and weaker units to their doom. MSU is also a Democracy, though it is still struggling to establish rule due to Montana's constant propaganda blitzes through MSU's outlying cities.

Weber State Wildcats:

Weber State has just barely reached the Mid-Industrial Age thanks to their massive conscription policies and the timely emergence of some great Generals. They have some good resources and with their government firmly established (a Monarchy of all things), they seek to take advantage of their newfound wealth and power to expand their designs on the world at large.

Eastern Washington Eagles:

EWU has seen better days, despite being an Industrial Age kingdom (they're a Monarchy, though slowly decaying with the abdication of King Wulff) with some units that pack some firepower. Their resources are slowly drying up and, if they don't rebound from a case of the plague (the NCAA Plague), they will find themselves a colony of Montana or even MSU or Weber State.

Northern Arizona Lumberjacks:

NAU is a Feudal Monarchy and a kingdom with tremendous potential and great resources. But their military leadership and high nobility continue to squander the great fighting abilities of their people in strange and sometimes utterly useless endeavors. They are in the High Middle Ages (teetering on the brink of Industrialization) and militarily have been impressive, even being a thorn in Montana's side at times. However, King Souers continues to squander away NAU's potential to whatever civilization nimble enough to grab it.

Portland State Vikings:

The Vikings are stuck in the Middle Ages despite the emergence of King Glanville I, who is doing everything he can to get his civilization up to speed. Despite the promise of some units and the abundance of resources, don't count on anything to come from PSU until they reach the Industrial Age (and that's if MSU or Montana don't snatch them up first).

Northern Colorado Bears:

The Bears are in the midst of the Middle Ages, and are a Feudal society. They have some resources scattered about and have some potential; however, being a civilization that has recently been contacted, much remains to be seen concerning their potential.

Sacramento State Hornets:

The Hornets have just reached the crucial center of the Middle Ages with some great resources and some pretty good leaders to guide them. Although their cities still echo hints of the ancient past, they are trying their hardest to move their civilization forward. The Hornets are the only civilization with a Republican form of government.

Idaho State Bengals:

The Bengals are, sadly, the weakest civilization. The land has few resources to offer and the people are notoriously rebellious and apathy runs rampant. It should be noted that the Bengals have seen 4 Kings in 6 years; instability is contributing to a once-solid civilization and unless something dramatic happens within the corridors of power, it will probably become a colony of Weber State. The Bengals show promise (indeed, their resilience is admirable), they only need a strong hand and a great vision to guide them forward.

ISU's Introduction to Pain


Cool Myspace Generators


So ISU, thanks to some wonderful budget shortfalls and a very opportunistic Athletic Department, will play Arizona State, Oklahoma (you read that right), and defending Conference Champion Weber State...in one month. And if it wasn't enough to potentially start 0-3, the Athletic Department (along with the clowns at the NCAA) threw in General Zamberlin's old haunt of Central Washington. And they're not just any team, they are a D-2 Powerhouse. Shades of the Fighting Souix!

This schedule may be eternally amusing (and it is...I've spent some beer-filled nights laughing about it), it sets ISU up for disaster not seen since the Russians were crushed at Tannenburg. And since ISU doesn't have millions of peasants to throw at the German Empire, this may be the shotgun blast that ends this mangy old Bengal's life. ISU goes 0-3; and the average Pocatello sports fan, not knowing a whole lot about the subtle things about football, will only see 0-3 and fan support, always a disappointment, will dwindle to a few diehards and Yours Truly. So ISU limps into the game against a CWU team that's going to be very excited about knocking off a bigger program. If ISU loses and goes 0-4, then the Bengals must make a desperate stand in October (because losing to a team a division lower than you is demoralizing, no matter how good they are).

This schedule, at this time in Bengal history, combined with the severe economic downturn and 4 Athletic Directors in 6 or 7 years is the recipe for total disaster. I understand the need to whore ourselves out for money. I don't have a problem with that. It's just whoring ourselves out to 1 good program(in ASU) and 1 Epic Level 80 Horde Program (Oklahoma) (there's the WoW again) isn't what I'd recommend in this noble quest to save ourselves. I liken it to a war in Civilization 3. It's like ISU is an ancient-age program, moving our little Swordsmen, Spearmen, Catapaults and War Galleys to take on the Modern Armor, Stealth Bombers, Tactical Nukes and AEGIS Cruisers of Oklahoma (and we don't even have any luxury resources to boot...hahaha Civ Joke).

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Some Actual News At Last!

Sorry for any hiatus, but the Big Sky Nations haven't produced any newsworthy items until today (Frank may chasten me for missing anything).

The big news is the Preseason Polls. Yes, everyone says they never matter. I find that irritating; even downright stupid. If they don't matter, why do you all talk about them so much? Polls never matter until you defy their expectations. Then, like class and respect, they become a fantastic object to rub into your opponents' faces. But enough idle chatter!

The Big Sky polls were almost unanimous this year, with EWU and MSU switching places in the Coaches and Media's polls.

Media Poll
1. Montana (27) 283
2. Weber State (5) 261
3. Montana State 203
4. Eastern Washington 195
5. Northern Arizona 156
6. Portland State 120
7. Sacramento State 102
8. Northern Colorado 71
9. Idaho State 47

Coaches Poll
1. Montana (7) 63
2. Weber State (1) 57
3. Eastern Washington (1) 48
4. Montana State 41
5. Northern Arizona 32
6. Portland State 30
7. Sacramento State 27
8. Northern Colorado 15
9. Idaho State 10

As you can see, ISU won't be getting any love from the Big Sky. And with a schedule set up specifically for the purpose of going 0-3 (potentially 0-4 with the Central Washington game; said team is a D-2 powerhouse football program and a surmised trap game), ISU will be in the rather uncomfortable position of either living or dying in October.

Montana, as usual, for the 1,934th year in a row, is nominated #1. Weber State is ranked #2 preseason and MSU and EWU are flipped. The others really don't matter; it'll be like watching the Scramble for Africa, only without the awesome imperialist armies and incredible displays of raw military might. Whoever has the least losses of this group (ISU, PSU, NC, NAU and CSUS) will be crowned the Lesser Cousin of the British Empire.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Why ISU hasn't gotten into the playoffs and other fun things

So today I decided to hit up the ol' Bengal Den (that's bengals.bigskyfans.com for those unaware of the address change from thebengalden.com, which is now defunct). And the user bengaleyes2 said something that caught my ever-attentive eyes: "1982-2009 = roughly 22 losing season. 7 winning seasons. Zero playoff appearances." Yes, Bengal fans, you've read that correctly. Idaho State has not been to the playoffs since 1982. 1982...hmmmm...God, that's 5 years before I was born! And just a year after the sensational national championship (a gift from the Lord Himself. Thanks God!). What happened that year?






Yes, this was back when Britain and Argentina got in a tussle over a barren, rocky outpost called the Falkland Islands and when Micheal Jackson was COOOOL (and less creepy)! Back in 1982, America had a President who could speak without a teleprompter...WELL, by the way (Reagan's politics were a bit nuts though). The Big Enemy back then had a defined border and capitol (Moscow) and at least we could sleep at night knowing that any enemy strike could be instantly and brutally punished in kind. Cutting to the point, this is a really, REALLY long time. The overall record in that span from 1982-2009 is about 7 winning seasons, 22 losing seasons (including 5 straight losing seasons currently) and no playoffs. That's incredible. Personally, methinks Pocatello owes that to Dr. Richard Bowen for this mess, for not capitalizing on the national championship that normally would be a huge boon in recruiting opportunities and all the recognition that typically follows such a huge feat. Oh well, just wanted to get that out in the air.

In other news, NAU will play Arizona and Ole Miss (University of Mississippi at Oxford) for the 2009 season. While not the major challenges ISU will face (facing Arizona State and Oklahoma...yes, the Sooners...more on this in another post), it's still going to be a culture shock for a school that gets no fan support to travel to a place like Oxford. See here:


(No, on a special note, Dixie is not racist so stop hate-mongering. Ya'll get what a'hm sayin?)

Montana State gets a shot at Michigan State next season over there in East Lansing. This will be a fantastic opportunity for the Bobcats to take on one of the nation's best apple-pie producing regions, as (sadly for a Buckeye to admit) Michigan has some of the country's best grown apples. Seriously, Michigan apples are fantastic. Wait a sec...I was talking football here...and forget it, here's to MSU getting some great apple pies in the shape of Spartan heads (seriously, I saw those when Ohio State played Michigan State in East Lansing last year on ESPN. Those broadcasters were gushing over them and for gooood reason)

1-AA Runner-Up Montana is still looking for managers to help with the team for the 2009 season. Duties will include suiting up in special-made manager uniforms and taking on the actual team on gameday (in a cost-saving measure, the Griz will no-longer be scheduling Pop Warner football teams. Instead, Jim O'Day and Bobby Hauck figure it's better for the football team to play a team consisting of managers and bartenders. Not only will UM save the money, but they'll gain a much better opponent as an added bonus).

Sacramento State confirmed their existence this month when their women's teams won their 2nd consecutive All-Sports Big Sky Trophy. Terry Wanless, CSUS' Athletic Director, was euphoric and very happy with this development.

The other news outlets have nothing to report, other than Portland has a decent shot at sunshine this coming week.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Finally!

To the people who read the blog and saw no posts in April: sorry, school happened and finals happened and spring rugby was in full swing. I promise, school won't get in the way again. School is the instrument of Satan and I must do God's will by posting on a disturbingly high frequency.

Finals are over for me at last, so to celebrate with you all, let's watch Boise State's Jeron Johnson totally annihilate ISU QB Russell Hill. If this doesn't excite you in a non-sexual way, then it should raise your blood pressure to Coach O'Brien vs. Coach Rose levels against moi.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Signs from the Big Sky and more fun!

Well, it's still the spring (winter if you live in Pocatello) and that means the war clouds will not be lumbering over the horizon until August. This also means we get lots of time to play around with The Sign Generator, one of God's greatest expressions of love since letting Idaho State win the 1981 National Championship (let the flaming BE-GIN)!

Doug Fullerton (I saw the Cobra Commander emblem, and well, I figured turning the Big Sky Commish into the Cobra Commander should be an inside joke of the site)


Northern Arizona


Montana


Montana State


Portland State


Idaho State




Eastern Washington


Northern Colorado


Weber State


Sacramento State


Perhaps I'll do another edition with football coaches and basketball coaches, or better yet, use church signs for the entire blog! Hahaha!

Monday, March 23, 2009

Slow Days Ahead, So News Shall Be the Norm Til' August

With the coming of April, ISU sports is moving towards the dreaded off-season, towards the horrible coming months of baseball and golf, the least chaotic sports of the whole bunch. The Big Sky has also come to a standstill, with little action anywhere as the various animal-inspired universities reload for the wonderful month of August. So, to the readers, expect some really random things. Of course, that's the nature of the blog anyways, so...yeah. It's Spring Break so I can see how creative I can get. If I can last 1 week, the blog should be fine for the summer. Either that or a hiatus is in store. But who wants that? ANYWAAAYSSS...

The Montana Grizzlies held a victory parade through the streets of Missoula today, to commemorate the 14th anniversary of their great 22-20 Championship victory over Marshall. Field Marshall Don Read was present to the celebrations; in fact he is the one giving the speech in this fantastic video captured by KPAX and local affiliates.



Here is the translation of the video, as for some reason the blog obtained the video feed that was to be shipped to Grizzly fans in the Russian Federation:

Don Read:
"It has been 14 years since that glorious win in Huntington, West Virginia, that ensured Montana's rise to permanent dominance in the Big Sky and the nation. Since that fateful day, Montana has dominated the Big Sky Conference like no other entity has seen, covering the Conference in a glorious Maroon blanket. We are one of the nation's elite teams, and nobody will ever take us from that pinnacle that is our birthright! URAH!" *War cries pierce the air*

*The Marching Band plays "Hail to Our Glorious Missoula." After that, the parade grounds fall silent as the Marching Band calls the People's Army of the Grizzly to rapt attention. Don Read orders the officers to march and present arms. Comrade Read finally gives the orders to begin the parade*

Other News...

Meanwhile, in Bozeman, Montana State, not to be outdone *giggle, giggle...right* held their own National Title Celebration at a local bar. There they spent several hours in torment, trying to confirm that they actually won a national title in 1982, if at all. Finally, at 1:08 AM, the bartender told an almost passed-out crowd of Bobcat fans that they had indeed won the national title, however correcting the drunken masses that it was actually in 1984. The crowd cheered, sang their hybrid Texas-Ohio University fight song (slurring the words, of course) and proceeded to pass out screaming F**K MONTANA! The party was broken up the next morning by the police, who gently roused the crowd awake by playing a recording of "Up With Montana, Boys!" The crowd then threw bottles and cans at the laughing police, who got out with astonishing speed. The policemen were confirmed Montana fans.

In other news, Portland State has confirmed that Elvis will be a season-ticket holder for the 2009-2010 PSU Viking season. It has been speculated that Jerry Glanville placed The King there after many months of unsuccessful lobbying with the PSU Athletic Department and appealed to the President of the university. The PSU AD had nothing to say on the matter; probably realizing it was inevitable.

Sacramento State......yeah, let's move on. Nothing to see here. Really.

Weber State has issued a press release confirming the dates of their Spring Games...although they will, in all likelihood, be attended by the team...aaaand that's about it, save for the Purpley die-hards that patrol the Weber State fan forums. And perhaps one of the 126 people that attended Weber State's win over Montana during the regular season.

Idaho State is still dirt poor. Moving along....

Eastern Washington has confirmed with the Big Sky Press Agency that they will, indeed, have a football team next season. Paul Wulff is still an asshole for getting the team into the mess they are in, and the NCAA is still a bunch of guys even older and grayer than the old Soviet elite who insist on punishing the school and not the coach for the sake of looking like they are actually relevant in college athletics. Anyways, kudos to EWU and best of luck to them next season.

Northern Colorado and NAU have nothing particularly interesting to report at this time, except that both are still existing and both are on for the 2009-2010 Athletic Year.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Big Sky Tourney 2009: Vikings obtain Wooden Trophy Glory

The Quest for Wooden Trophy Glory is finally over. Portland State is the champion of the Big Sky Tournament (again), has earned the right to represent the conference (again) and has earned the forgiveness of Big Sky Trophy God (again). They beat Montana State, who, by the grace of Big Sky Trophy God, beat Weber State (yes, you read that right. The 6th seeded Montana State Bobcats, armed with solid, fundamental play and devastating black magic, beat Weber State in Ogden)! Portland State got to the title game by beating Idaho State, taking advantage of a poor first half and a Bengal team that was an incredible 0-13 from 3-point land, and weathering a furious ISU rally that cut the lead to 3 with about 2 minutes left (almost a spooky repeat of the rally on February 12th, when ISU went on a Run of Death and scored 55 2nd half points to send the Vikings packing). PSU held on and won by 4 to play MSU in the Big Sky Title Game, winning handily and once again cutting down the nets. What a difference 1 week can make! Weber State (the regular season champs) were expected to repeat, win the title on their home floor and ride the purple-clad faithful on a magical road to the NCAA Tournament. Instead, the Wizard's magic was countered by the black magic of Montana State and instead of riding a magical road, Weber State will ride the not-so-magical road into the NIT (on a sidenote, the NIT for a mid-major like Weber State is actually a good thing. It ensures the Wildcats get to play for something and that their season goes on, so it's not a lost cause. In fact, mid-majors with great records but no NCAA bid should aim for the NIT, because a post-season of any kind ensures recruiting opportunities, which is the lifeblood of every college team in every sport).


"Portland State has earned my forgiveness! Go now, and ride into the glorious NCAA Tournament! The rest of the Big Sky...YOU ALL WEAR SNUGGIES!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!"

So now the men's basketball season is over. Idaho State, Montana State and Weber State all earn Snuggies and will be forced to wear them for the Big Sky Media Days. And who would have thought it would have ended this way? PSU beating MSU for the title (thus making a nightmare scenario for the Conference big-wigs, who probably would have preferred an ISU-Weber State final, if only because half of Pocatello would have ventured down to a sold-out Dee Center. Pocatello is only an 1 1/2 hour away from Ogden) was something that even the boys at the Journal offices couldn't have predicted last week. Idaho State had title aspirations and came within 4 points of pulling it off. Had ISU capped the rally off with a few 3's, an NCAA bid would have been guaranteed (remember, we've crushed MSU every time this fall. That Vandal Guy once said that beating a good team 3 times in a season is very hard. Well, MSU isn't that good of a team. They hit a great hot streak but overall ISU is by far the superior squad). Instead, the men's team will be consigned to the offseason, that wonderful time of weights, working out and looking back on what could have been and looking ahead of what should be. All while wearing their Snuggies given by the Big Sky Trophy God, of course!


Portland State: Victory! The Viking Gods look onwards to a glorious future!

Congrats to Ken Bone and Portland State, and good luck in the NCAA Tourney. We'll see you next year! Big Sky Trophy God will also take his rest (after the women's tournament, of course. More on that later) and will heap forgiveness and Snuggies to His readers when action is resumed in August. This blog will still be up and running, so no fears to the few people who read this! Of course, the season isn't over yet. Softball and the Women's Big Sky Tournament is going on as I write this. Updates tomorrow or the weekend, or whenever I get to it.

Monday, March 9, 2009

Big Sky Tourney: The Quest for Wooden Trophy Glory

Sorry for any delays for getting a post up. It's midterms, and you all know what that entails. So, I've decided to let the Big Sky Trophy God possess my blog to help me out.


*Flames shoot out of the computer as the monitor glows with an evil aura. Evil, booming laughter fills the air with dread.*

"Thank you, mortal, for allowing me to possess your blog in order to give updates on the tournament which these great gladiators fight in...to please and amuse me, of course!" *Evil laughter* "But enough digression. The Quest for Wooden Trophy Glory continues, and we already have one big surprise. Apparently, Montana State completed enough chants from the sacred Bobcat Saga in the Bozeman Book and beat their rivals...in Missoula! HAHAHAHA! The Grizzly People have indeed incurred my wrath for laying such a hideous, un-sacrifice-able egg. Their punishment shall be what this mortal blog author intoned...that punishment being WEARING SNUGGIES AT THE BIG SKY MEDIA DAYS!!! HAHAHAHA!!!" *A Maroon-colored Snuggie appears in a sort of evil, flaming aura* "This will teach you not to lay any more rotten eggs! If you're going to lose, get slaughtered so that you may be sacrificed as a bull, which is SOO much better than offering me poultry. BE GONE FROM MY SIGHT, O UNWORTHY ONES! Hahaha, that felt good! The Bengalians of Idaho State have advanced after playing a game worthy of the Championship Game. Northern Colorado certainly lived up to this mortal's blog prediction in being a team that gives other teams fits. I enjoyed this game of bloody Tug-o'-War, but the Sacred Laws of the Wooden Trophy are binding. Northern Colorado...YOUR SNUGGIE AWAITS!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!" *Flat dark blue Snuggie appears, also covered in the evil aura* "BE GONE FROM MY SIGHT, O UNWORTHY ONES!!! *sigh* And they were so deserving. Oh well, I wouldn't have gotten along with their Minotaur God anyways. Weber State and Portland State won their first round byes and they will play later. BOOO-RRRRING...Well, this is all I shall allow to be heard of me until after the 2nd round of gladiator battles. I shall depart forthwith, because I am benevolent and this mortal coil bores me. O Blog Author, I grant you the use of your blog once more!!!" *Flames recede, monitor returns to normal and the air becomes breathable again*

Well, that was fun! Don't you worry, The Big Sky Trophy God will be back in flaming glory later. Yes, Montana State, of all teams, beat Montana in Missoula, and the eGrizzers are flaming the team more than Scott Glenn burned houses in Backdraft. I say they have every right to. Montana was more than a match for MSU. They had everything they wanted. A huge crowd, solid players and a home game. Aaaaanndd...they threw it away, not only losing in the first round, but guaranteeing themselves a Snuggie in the process. They earned it, dammit!

ISU played to a crowd of about 3,000 and boy oh boy, was it a crowd. A very raucous, very energetic crowd. They never let down even when Northern Colorado took a halftime lead, and coupled with a 16-18 night from the Charity Stripe, spurred the team on to victory. Matt Stucki had a dunk that even Donnie Carson probably couldn't top. He almost hurdled Devon Beitzel and dunked it home with emphasis (and with a murderous look on his face too) and at that point, even with UNC playing great ball, it was obvious Idaho State wasn't going to lose this one. The game was intense with players banging and bashing each other; a good ol'fashioned physical game. The free throws, once the bane of our existence, made all the difference. 16-18 is a fine stat for the Charity Stripe, and one that wins games and championships. With Northern Colorado wrapped up, ISU now moves to play a familiar foe in Ogden tomorrow: Portland State, led by none other than KEN BONE! OH BOY!!!! Some quick things about Portland State that we probably already know:

They love getting it out to players on the side of the 3. They live and die by the 3 pointer, so it's important that ISU holds them to a cold night because frankly, PSU doesn't have the big men that scare people. PSU is definitely beatable, as evidenced by the 55-point 2nd half torching we handed them last month (and taking Ken Bone with us...here's to hoping he gets Teed up again! No, that's just cruel...hahahaha).

Idaho State needs two more wins to get to the NCAA Tournament. That's all. Two wins and our first conference title since I was born (back in 1987)!

Montana and Northern Colorado: Snuggied

5 teams will be wearing Snuggies at the Big Sky Media Days. Montana and Northern Colorado have their Snuggies all ready. Hopefully, PSU, MSU and Weber State will join them. The Quest for Big Sky Wooden Trophy Glory continues tomorrow night!

Thursday, March 5, 2009

The Big Sky Tournament


ALL HAIL THE BIG SKY TROPHY GOD!

The Big Sky Tournament is upon us at last. 6 teams will duke it out in bloody, spectacular fashion in an attempt to win the favor of the Big Sky Trophy God and claim his mercy and the coveted trophy of said God. The winner will advance to do battle with juggernaut teams in what usually ends up as a complete slaughter. Oh well. Appeasing the Big Sky Trophy God should be the 6 teams' only concern this coming weekend and the 10th-12th of next week. And now, let's look at our proud, strong, stoic gladiators!

1. Weber State (15-1, 21-8)

Right now, the fantastic gladiators from Ogdenia are the best team in the conference, hands-down. The only loss was to 7th place Montana State (how the hell did that happen?). The Weberians, who are guided by a mystical Wizard, have been imbued with magical powers to cruise as the perennial favorites to appease Big Sky Trophy God. If the signs hold up (Red Hill going purple for like, 10 seconds, the skies going purple in the nighttime, and most ominous, a Weber State logo appeared in this blog author's toast this morning), then the Wizard along with his merry company of purple clad knights will find themselves, once again, in the NCAA Tournament (and also appeasing the Trophy God...this, above all else, is most important)

2. Idaho State (9-7, 12-18)
The Bengalians, after weathering a brutal non-conference schedule and hitting one helluva hot streak to end the season (including two maimings of NAU and Sac State), are looking to carry this momentum into the tournament and are also looking to impress the Big Sky Trophy God by upsetting every team on the way to Wooden Trophy Glory. All ISU needs to do is play the ball they have been playing the past couple of games and keep it going. When the Bengals are clicking, even the Wizard's powers are no match for the power of Orange and Black.

3. Portland State (11-5, 21-9)
The Vikings were not only favorites to win the conference regular season title, they were expected to host it once again in the Rose Garden. Aaaaannnddd....after a guarantee by Dominic Waters to never lose a game after the Weberians beat them, went on to lose to Idaho State and Montana State and obtain 3 more losses en route to an 11-5 and 2nd place. They finished the season strong and have a shot at knocking off the Weberians if they play as a team and if Mr. Waters can keep his mouth shut.

4. Montana (11-5, 17-11)
The Griz have Anthony Johnson. AJ is a great player, and is only a sophomore. Yes, a sophomore. He can hurt you in ways that even Torquemada couldn't. If the rest of Teh Griz steps up and helps this sophomore sensation, it can mean that the Griz will beat Weber State and assert an excellent claim to gaining the Big Sky Trophy God's favor.

5. Northern Colorado (8-8, 14-17)
Wow, the Greelians are in the Tournament. They've given plenty of teams fits and look to do the same this week. They of course, must get by an Idaho State team that's on fire at this moment, having demolished two teams and beaten 4 out of 5 to get in the Tournament. The Big Sky Trophy God will be watching this game (and team) with interest. Perhaps the Greelians, who are new to the conference, can include Big Sky Trophy God into their pantheon of gods, notably alongside their chief god, The Minotaur.

6. Montana State (6-10, 12-17)
The Bobcats are the surprise team, having established their Tournament bid with their signature win over the Weberians. Montana State is hoping to duplicate that win three times in order to be a 15-17 team in the NCAA Tournament. Of course, to pull this off, the Bobcats must not only play fantastic basketball but also must sing, dance and chant ancient, sacred Bozeman sutras in a seance circle surrounded by Champ heads...and wearing Snuggies.

The Big Sky Trophy God looks forward to watching the carnage and bloodshed with great earnest, as he awaits the team that he shall grant mercy to. The losing teams must all wear Snuggies for the Big Sky Conference Media Days.

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

Sacramento State: Lessons of Total Domination

Idaho State-74 Sacramento State-39

Nature has poignant and elegant ways of depicting the end of the cycle of life. This...was most definitely not one of those moments.

The men's team had only one thing on their minds tonight: revenge. This is a dish best served cold, however it's also palatable if it comes in the form of a 34-14 halftime lead. Idaho State went rolling from the get-go, and held the Hornets without a field goal...for the first 14 minutes. The only points Sac State scored were free throws that this blog author generously granted them. Other than that, it was just an incredible show of domination. By the end of the night, Idaho State attained a few awesome things. First, all 11 Bengals scored (Tom Taylor added a lay-up with about 6 seconds left. Good job, Tom!). Second, Idaho State has clinched 4th place in the Big Sky Conference, meaning we get a home tournament game next Saturday night (it still hasn't been decided who we will play (it WILL be the winner of the MSU-Care Bears game). Finally, Idaho State has entered the record books: the 39 points Sac State scored is the lowest point total that Idaho State has allowed in its basketball history since the inception of the shot clock in 1954. 1954...hmmm, that's back when the majority of ISU fans were conducting under-the-table atomic bomb drills. Certainly, Sac State should have ducked and covered their necks from the immense heat of all the 3 pointers that were radiating from the basket (and it's amazing the rims never melted or disintegrated).

And now, to hand out some kudos for the game:

Kudos to the coaching staff for getting an incredible game plan put together. And more importantly, major kudos to the staff for getting the team ready to play and not overlook this team (like the last time, but we'll keep quiet about that. That's in the rearview mirror of the last car on the road, so it doesn't even matter).

Kudos to the entire team. Dunks, 3 pointers, fantastic defense (who let Angela Munger coach this team for a day?!) and a "kick ass, take names" mentality. Sac State didn't have a chance in this game when ISU stepped out onto the court.

Kudos to Sparky, Coach O'Brien's pet Tylosaurus. He did a fantastic job in intimidating the other team from doing anything that would have given them any life in the game (as evidenced when one absent-minded Sac State trainer tried to whack Sparky in the nose to shoo him away from behind the Sac State bench. Whether this ill-advised action was motivated by testosterone or absolute stupidity, we will never know. What we do know know is that Sparky didn't take that too kindly and well...yeah, the trainer is currently having a fun time exploring Sparky's digestive system).

Finally, kudos to Coach Brian Katz, who proudly displayed his plays on giant white cards with bold, black words on them. This was a great service and we are grateful that Coach Katz gave away his game plan on these signs. In fact, T-shirts displaying his signs (white cotton with black lettering) will be on sale soon (and in addition to commemorating his awesome deed, the T-shirts will also be on sale for the low price of 5 dollars).


Brian Katz: Deactivated

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Mike Adras/Brian Katz gallery

Well, a lot of people told me they liked the Ken Bone Gallery. So, I've decided to do the Mike Adras/Brian Katz Gallery, of NAU and Sacramento State, respectively. And now, with real quotes...

Mike Adras, Northern Arizona

"Get yer hands in the ay-re...and Jack like you don't caay-ree..."

"I'm a T-Rex! RAAWRRR!"

"Out! OUT DAMNED VOICES!"

"Number 1...and don't you--wait, we are number 1, right?"

"Ayyyyy....do you know who you tawkin' to? Eh?"

"Oh come on, quit being all melodramatic and play dammit"

"Hey man...it's been good...you realize you're sweating and crying on my 3,000 dollar suit, right?"

"The voices are returning...need more Prozaaaaaa......."*blacks out*

"Hey, you guys ever hear about the Bengal who....aww, forget it. We're sucking so bad I can't even tell bad Idaho jokes..."

Brian Katz, Sacramento State

*Siiiighhh...."Guys, you're killing me here. Come on, I'm getting migraines just watching you."

"The play is self-explanatory, guys. Come on, the Big Sky can't suck THAT bad!?"

"HEY! You get your sorry ass back here and clean up my Coke you spilled you bastard!"

"Uhhh...this is...awkward..."

"Now, I recruited you to handle the rock. Are you doing that?" Player:"No coach, I will next time." Katz: "Yeah. 'Next time' will be at a JUCO school. Come on, get with the program already! This is Sac State, it isn't hard to play for us. Hell, with you it isn't hard to play AGAINST us!"

"One more statement like that and I'll make sure you'll be back at wherever the hell I recruited you from"

"Well, we're coming together as a team...and we're bonding...and...uhhh...wow...say, would you like to come to my office for some off-the record uhh...statements?"

"Oh come OOONNN...just because the reporter was YOUR wife...how the hell was I supposed to know?!"

"God, what is with you guys? You can't play D-1, you have bad attitudes...and...and...hey, WHAT the hell is tattooed on your arm?!"

I hope I don't get sued or reprimanded. Lolz

Joe O'Brien has a pet Tylosaurus and game previews


This ain't no goldfish, bitches. Meet Sparky, the Coach's pet Tylosaurus (he's in the middle)

Coach O'Brien and company look to beat NAU and Sac State to finish the regular season 9-7 with a potential first-round home game like last year. Idaho State needs to do several things to pull this week off and get a good send-off to the tournament:

1.) Play with heart. ISU needs to get passionate and downright crazy to finish strong. Forget the fact that this is Sac State (who actually ended their embarrassing losing streak by beating a very relaxed Bengal squad who came in a little overconfident after burying NAU with a 20-1 run to win in Flagstaff) and NAU, ISU needs to come out with the good kind of swagger and play to *brace yourselves, ye sensitive defenders of image-obsessed sportsmanship* run up the score. If we get these guys down by 20 at the half, win by 40. No mercy. No prisoners. Be the Visigoths to the sleepy Roman villages and towns of NAU/Sac State. If things look bleak, just keep fighting on. We kept fighting NAU and lo and behold, we got to execute the Run of Doom that got us a great win in Flagstaff.

2.) Simply put, don't do anything stupid. Don't put up shots that only Jesus could make. Take your time, set up the play and pick NAU apart.

3.) Get physical. Busma and Steijn MUST beat the hell out of people and like it. They need to become enforcers who will defend the post and become a legit threat offensively.

4.) It's very important that everybody shows up to play. We cannot rely on just Amorrow or Stucki to win. Donnie has to keep playing like he has (i.e. he must not only dunk the ball, he must also cure several diseases and get to the moon and back while doing it) and AK will need to light it up from the outside. Chron and Sherrod are out for the week, so everyone needs to step up.

5.) Oh, and it's also important that ISU utilizes the crowd and Sparky, Coach O'Brien's pet Tylosaurus. How coach got a hold of him is a mystery, but it's cool nonetheless. Sparky will need to be a factor tomorrow night. A factor as in "Oh shit, Mike Adras is going to be eaten alive if he doesn't get off of Coach O'Brien's case" kind of factor.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Mon-Tainya Week

The Idaho State Women host the Mon-tainya teams this week, which always make for a lot of fun. If you remember last year, under That Vandal Guy (henceforth abbreviated as TVG), ISU blew an unsuspecting Montana Grizzly team out of the water, 90-77. The game was a showcase of TVG's touted Run-And-Shoot-With-A-12-Gauge-Shotgun Offense, which saw Andrea Lightfoot nailing every 3 in sight. Such will not be seen this weekend, with Sobo, Munger, Holly-kins and Green running the team. No, we will see gritty defense, brute physical play and some great emotions (as in the "YOU CAN'T BE F**KING SERIOUS!!!!" variety). Sadly, this blog author will only see the Thursday night game (and not the ill-timed Saturday afternoon game...by the way, basketball games played when it's still light out don't have that awesome feel that night games do. Come on, what's keeping us from playing night games for the women? It's not like Pocatello is a party town...) as I will be in Ogden to play Weber State in a critical rugby match that determines our playoff standing next fall (we hope).

To complete the home sweep against Mon-tainya, there are a few things that, IMO, must be taken care of:

Free throws: We have lost several games because we couldn't hit our free throws. Just hit those boring, old, fundamental shots and we'll be in great shape to win.

Physical play is a must in this game as well; expect the Griz and the Bobcats to come out pushing and shoving and clawing and whatnot. There is only way to deal with this, and it's not being respectful. We have to respond in kind, let them know we aren't going to tolerate that sort of crap at all.

Now that I mention it, physical play will also be crucial here: NO EASY LAYUPS! I'm not asking to hurt anyone or play dirty. I am BEGGING for some coverage on the posts. Teams have beaten us up all year down there with easy, gliding layups and/or those unbearably annoying end-around kinds. There's really nothing to using your imaginary Hit Stick and giving the other player a good knock. This blog author does it all the time in basketball class (I don't even call fouls, much to my classmates' chagrin). It's not classless and not unsportsmanlike. It's simply making the other team having to earn their points at the line.

Defense is also crucial to winning. We have had no problems in making a statement on defense; we've been doing very well here since TVG left for Moscow State University (TVG never had any love for playing defense, as the run-and-shoot offense prefers to simply outscore other teams).

Rebounding is crucial as well. Rebounding is the unheralded vital component to the motion offense, which in Sobo's world is meant to slow the game down and care for each possession. Rebounding prevents the other team from setting up their offense, obviously keeping the ball in our hands and taking time off the clock (which in turn throws the other team out of whack). And rebounding must be a TEAM effort; if you have a shot at the rebound, go for it! (See: Jenna Brown in all games she's played in. She'll go for the ball without second thought, which is really fun to watch...SIC 'EM JENNA!)

Lastly but probably the most important for the women to get that awesome home sweep is...

Assassination. It's a proven method that has worked time and time again for coaches from Pat Summit to Oda Nobunaga way back in the Sengoku Era of Feudal Japan. Idaho State has some great assassins on the roster, each perfectly capable of engineering death silently and quickly. Andi Blodgett, Andrea Videbeck and Jenna Brown are the perfect assassins because they are quick and really little, thus ideal for carrying out these unsavory (but necessary) missions.

Assassinations will be critical for the home sweep

Montana is coached by Robin Selvig (pictured below). His successes in the Big Sky are phenomenal, turning the Grizzlies into an annual contender for the Big Sky Crown and if not an NCAA appearance, then surely the WNIT. He is The Empire, overpowering all in his path and establishing total hegemony from Missoula to Flagstaff and westward to Sacramento. Only Portland (Sherri Murrell's incredibly successful insurrection remains a major thorn in the side of the Empire) and Greeley (even Darth Selvig doesn't want that backwater). Of course, Pocatello remains a thorn but Montana has more or less owned us (we have a horrible, and I mean horrible record against the Griz in women's basketball...7-52 I think...Frank can correct me). Montana also owns Montana State in everything, but that's not much of a surprise to anyone (they'd own them in soccer too but MSU, looking to avoid further embarrassment, has held off the establishment of a soccer team thus far). Idaho State is more than capable of giving Montana a good fight and of course, I think the MSU game was a fluke; we were unnerved by Chelsea Pickering's injury and I don't think we settled in that game very well. We weren't playing our best ball against Montana; there is so much the Griz haven't seen yet (at least, I think so). In order for ISU to beat Montana, two things must be done, both of which are not easy: cover Mandy Morales and harass Sonya Rogers. Get on both of them like angry, agitated ocelots and do NOT allow Montana anything in the post. Force them outside and keep them there. With a team like Montana, this probably isn't wise but it's a better risk than letting them have their way inside, where they usually dominate teams. Physical play and smart ball play will slow down and beat Montana. (Keep in mind that this is my opinion only; Sobo and Co have a better idea of what's going on and I have faith in them and their crazy, Manhattan Project-sized game plans).

"The ability to destroy the Big Sky is insignificant next to the power of the Force"

Montana State is coached by Tricia Binford, who has done a commendable job in turning the Bobcats around from one of the most laughable (and we're talking LMAO quality here) programs into a program that ranks as one of the conference's most solid. Her turnaround of the Bobcats ranked the 11th best turnaround in the nation last season and it shows no signs of slowing down. Of course, this is the same team that ISU beat last year twice in the regular season, only to lose by 10 (after one of the worst 1st halves in human history...I was always skeptical of the run-and-shoot style, but that offense really did us in that game) in the semis of the Big Sky Tournament. Montana State has some good players on their team, with 6 upperclassmen and some underclassmen that show promise. ISU will need to keep tabs on Erica Perry, she essentially runs the Bobcat offense and she if she heats up on either side of the ball, we can look for a guaranteed hard time.

Montana Week is guaranteed to be a lot of fun and it should be a great time for everyone. Hopefully ISU can get good crowds on Thursday night (I'd beg for Saturday but I'm realistic about it. ISU students are sissies when it comes to the weekends and go home every Friday afternoon instead of putting forth any effort to make campus you know, enjoyable over the weekend. Also, the Saturday afternoon games' attendance is 75% comprised of people who can remember live broadcasts of President Roosevelt's fireside chats. Not that I'm knocking on them or anything; I was merely pointing that out).

Finally...

OH LOOK! AN OCELOT! AAAWWAAHHH!!!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

The Great Swanson Caper

It is a late night at the Bengal Basketball Offices. Men's basketball coach Steve Swanson is working on game film and preparing the game plan for the Montana trip. Everyone has gone home for the night. Coach Joe O'Brien is asleep on a cot he brought to his office. A radio is playing The Animals "House of the Rising Sun" in the background...

*Film is rolling*

Steve: Man that was some great stuff last week. The team is playing fantastic right now! *chuckles* Poor Montana, they're not going to realize what hit them.

*A phone rings*

Steve: ISU Basketball, Steve Swanson speaking...

Mysterious man: Steve, Idaho State can't possibly beat Montana on the road and get a sweep. You know that.

Steve: Who is this?!

Mysterious man: My identity is of no concern to you. I'm telling you that beating Montana on the road is impossible and cannot be done. Forget it Steve!

Steve: *snickers* So are you telling me to stay home?

Mysterious man: Yes, there are bigger fish to fry anyway. You're needed elsewhere.

Steve: Waaaaaitt a second...I knew it! John Porter Goss, what the hell? I thought we had a deal!

Goss: Steve, the CIA has fallen on hard times. We need your expertise. None of our agents, save for the Delta Force and some unnamed independent fellas, are capable as we had hoped. Remember the Uzbekistan raid and that crazy ass job you did in Athens 2004? The work you did in Tbilisi? You were the best, Steve. You were the greatest counterterrorist agent we had in decades.

Steve: Look Goss, I know that I did incredible things back in the day. Come on, I could make improvised C4 explosives out of Power Ranger dolls that could take out skyscrapers. But living a double life as a basketball coach and a counterterror agent was hard. Having all those terrorist wackos after me 24/7 burned me out. And I'm a married man now. I thought our deal was that you'd never bother me after I left the CIA.

Goss: That was then, this is now. Terrorists are on the move all over the world and Delta Force can't keep them in check by themselves. Look, I'll offer you anything you want, Steve. I'll even throw in a new mansion in the Caribbean after your other house got sold off.

Steve: Sold off? Uhhhh...it was firebombed by the Jamaat al Muslimeem. You don't remember?

Goss: OK, OK, you got me there. Tell you what. You do this job for me, I'll never bother you again. Hell, I'll even tell my successor to not bother you if that's what you want. Think about it... you could, for 1 week, relive your glory days running around blowing stuff up and making your code name feared once again throughout the terrorist world.

Steve: My code name is ironic because I wasn't born in Scotland...

Goss: True, but you can't tell me that "The Killer Scot" is an awesome codename?

Steve: *sigh*...OK, let's hear the details. What do you have in mind?

Goss: Well, it actually involves you staying close to home.

Steve: Really?

Goss: Yeah, this mission takes you to 2491 Washington BLVD, Suite 201, Ogden, Utah

Steve: My God!!!! THE BIG SKY HEADQUARTERS!!!

*Loud pounding on the wall*

Joe O'Brien: STEVE GODDAMMIT I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!!!!!

Steve: Ooops! Sorry Joe! *lowers voice* Wow, that's unexpected...so what am I doing?

Goss: We've confirmed that Doug Fullerton is the head of an international organization dedicated to bringing the world under his heel through terrorism, buying of politicians and bad officiating.

Steve: Kinda like COBRA of G.I. Joe?

Goss: Actually, now that you mention it, yes! One of our spies returned with a photo of Mr. Fullerton. Check your email, I just sent it.

*Steve logs on to his computer and checks his email, and this photo comes up*



Steve: Wow, Doug sure has some weird fashion designs for an aspiring dictator

Goss: I know, we couldn't stop laughing. So what do you say?

Steve: Well, what do you need me to do? I can't assassinate him, he's a conference commissioner.

Goss: I know, that's the bad part about it. *Sigh*...Wait, I got it!

Steve: Let's hear it!

Goss: OK, so how bout' just knocking him out and replacing him with a double? Not only would we be ridding the world of an aspiring dictator but you'd be gaining a better commissioner in the process! Two birds with one stone!

Steve: Well...I dunno. You'd think people would notice that Doug is acting a little strangely with the reversal of the "No-Criticizing Officials" Rule in such a short time.

Goss: Hmmm, you've got a point...Maybe we could just get in there, kidnap him and force him to resign? Make him issue a press release stating that he's tired and that he's going to retire.

Steve: Well, he is getting a bit old...alright, I need to get some exercise anyways.

Goss: OK, great! I'll send you another email giving you the details of this mission! America and inadvertently, the Big Sky thanks you for your bravery!

Steve: Alright, I will be in touch. "Killer Scot" over and out.

Steve: Well, I better wake Joe...can't go this alone.

O'Brien *standing in the doorway*: I heard everything. I've been meaning to do this for a long time. *Grins* "BlackHawk" is back in action!

Steve: This is going to be a LOT of fun, heh heh! Ol' Doug is going to be very surprised to see us! Hey, wait a second...

O'Brien: What is it?

Steve: Shouldn't we issue a press release that we're going to be out of the games this week due to personal issues?

O'Brien: Nah, we'll be back on Wednesday morning before the bus arrives. Piece of cake my man!

Steve: Alright then! Let's go!

Steve "The Killer Scot" Swanson and Joe "Black Hawk" O'Brien turn off the lights, lock the doors and leave the office, and head down to Ogden, Utah, for a confrontation that will save the world (and the Big Sky Conference as well).